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Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Offline 06-15-2018, 12:49 AM
Reply: #411
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Since I'm hovering around the site again and this is a new post, I might as well give it a look over.

(06-09-2018 01:11 AM)kakorrhaphiophobiaticVacivity Wrote:  This one is still a work in progress, so not everything is fully decided yet. She is not from an AU, but she also hasn't interacted with any Canon characters before.
Fair enough, I'll look at it based on what you give me then.

Name: Lunesc Chemil, the first name is derived from lunar and the last from chemicals, Pronounced Luness Kemil
It's rather simplistic but I can see it possibly working depending on what theme you are going for.

Gender: Female

Blood Color: I'm trying to decide between Jade and Cerulean, but I'm leaning toward Cerulean

Hive: A sort of large building, is a laboratory with rooms for many different experiments
I feel as if this would be more fitting for a Cerulean blood? Observing from Hiveswap Friendsim the Cerulean blood colour tends to have more open social roles than Jade.

Lusus: Very Shrew-Like, Burrows around outside finding plants and other lusii to feed her, Very Over-Protective
So they're a shrew then?

Captchalogue Modus: Chemical, Items are given their own chemical formula which she has to make to retrieve them
I like the idea but do you think you could explain this better?

Interests/Behaviors: Likes to do some Chemistry as a hobby, dabbles in astrology, not quite a fan of botany, builds weapons as a business occasionally when she's low on supplies, In her spare time she goes "Hunting" for some living test subjects
That's an interesting selection of hobbies, but perhaps you could give an explanation behind why they chose to have these hobbies?

Personality: Generally acts nice and sweet to her friends via online chat, has a sort of smug attitude
You could do with expanding this a lot more, it doesn't give very many motivations for your character, or ambitions or fears. I suggest that in order to give the character more backbone and more development.

Horns: One is short and straight, while the other is long and loops around the short one forming an arch to carry beakers and more on hooks or hook on to other things causing her to often get stuck
The hook often gets stuck on things? That's pretty good attention to detail.

I feel like this character has some potential if you develop them more. They also have quite a few things missing, such as: Strife specibus, God Tier, trolltag, Fetch modus etc. I think if you think through their theme (which appears to be science or chemistry) a bit more and return then I'll have more to say. For now they appear a bit of a 'skeleton' rather than a fully fleshed out character.

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Offline 06-15-2018, 04:47 AM (This reply was last modified: 06-15-2018 04:51 AM by gulliversAntipathy.)(Edited by gulliversAntipathy.)
Reply: #412
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Name: Lyle Morello - Morello coming from Morella, a short-story by Edgar Allan Poe about a woman being reborn in the visage and soul of her daughter and tormenting her husband/the narrator, a theme that would occur with this character (more below)

Species - Human

Gender - Male

Age - 19

gulliversAntipathy [GA] - Inspired by Gulliver's Travels, where a man who likes to adventure and explore finds himself constantly running into trouble until he becomes so distant, pessimistic, and traumatized by his experiences that he eventually shuts himself in for the rest of his life and can no longer tolerate human company. I think this plays well with a Prince of Breath, whose counter to this is not realizing that they have their aspect until they lose it, and end up either inheriting that aspect as a weapon or destroying it. Also thematic with GCAT.


Fetch Modus
Pick Up Jacks Modus- Captchaloguing any items the user can pick up in the amount of time it takes for a rubber ball to return to the ground. Items in the sylladex are retrieved in a similar manner, which usually results in multiple items being removed at the same time. Worse still, if the ball doesn't return to the ground, Pick Up Mode will remain in play, and no items can be retrieved from the sylladex, and vice versa.

Strife Specibus
rbbrbllkind - Based on the heroes of breath and their various whimsical strife specibi, I thought a bouncy ball would be appropriate. Though I also thought it was appropriate to assign it a purpose, linking it to the Fetch Modus as a necessity, to play into a Blood player theme as well.

God Tier
Prince of Breath

-Setting aerial traps for birds (Anti-Breath aspect, Blood aspect)
-Caring for a large amount of the birds he captures and sets in cages (Blood aspect)
-Leather jackets and skinny jeans (relating to dead apparel and constricting fashion) (Blood aspect)
-Violent RPGs (Limiting Breath aspect/Obligatory Blood aspect)
-Horror movies (Blood aspect)

-Penthouse (High Altitude Breath aspect/Isolated Blood aspect)
-Labyrinthian Cityscape below (Isolated Blood aspect)
-Overprotective Uncle (Blood aspect)

The Medium
Land of Fumes and Briars - A land Typheus cursed with sharp hedges and poisonous air, he has trapped the consorts in an endless maze, separated only by gaping trenches and canyons that emit toxic fumes into the air and prevent many from traveling further throughout the world if they're not already dead. This plays into the god tier role of Princes (One aspect of their land is something they hate or is limiting) and Breath (Fumes being both a factor in the elemental aspect as well as going against the aspect of Breath by otherwise being limiting in nature).

Once Lyle assumes a position of leadership in his session, as is typical for Heroes of Breath and Heroes of Blood, he will take an approach that is overly responsible, manipulating the session so that he can maintain absolute control over his fellow players, using his server powers to eventually acquire all laptops in his home. He'll then limit everyone's options to either grinding or alchemizing new weapons while he uses the grist to build his own tower higher and higher, creating a feudal fortress around himself.

Although, once he falls asleep and awakes as his dream self on Derse, he finds himself trapped in a tower of similar design by the Dersites. Panicking and trying everything he can to break his walls down, he eventually files down the bars enough to slip out, stealing away on a Dersite ship to Skaia in the clothes of a Dignitary. To not prolong this description, after several plans and attacks and events on either Prospitians or the Dersites (I haven't decided which yet), he becomes paralyzed when he receives a great blow from the Black King. His body lands in a blood-stained river, and he floats on for a long time with no interaction with his other players, who've since taken Lyle's prolonged periods of sleep to escape the confines he's provided them or to go on their own missions to Skaia, his quest bed finds him on a ragged shore, and he is restored in his waking body as a Prince of Breath.

The length of his loneliness washing out any semblance of control over his fellow players, he releases himself from the position of authority as he proceeds through the battlefield/waking world alone, though his actions still have consequences in the players' lives even after he goes on alone, until they meet once again when the players are able to reach his planet and reacquire all of the Grist funneled towards his own designs. They may kill him.

Of course none of this is set in stone but this is a plot design I've been saving for a Prince of Breath or a Bard of Time (who would possibly be far more of an antagonist and would emphasize the need of him in a successful SBURB session and the need to kill him)

Unlike you,
With no strings attached.
All cool, all blue. Unlike you ---
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Offline 07-15-2018, 02:10 PM
Reply: #413
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Okay here goes...
Name: Cabris Nikero
The long version of the first name means reckless or impulsive, though I have little meaning outside of that. I made this name ages ago and it's stuck, but yeah, not the most thoroughly thought out thing ":3
Age: 7 Sweeps (15 years)
Gender: Female
Lusus: A hydra. It looks sort of like those long necked dinosaurs, except it has five heads instead of one. She cares about Cabris, but doesn't always supervise her well.
Blood Color: Kiwi (Olive, for simplicity's sake)
Interests: She enjoys combat, painting, climbing/exploring, and dabbles in other forms of art. She usually paints plants and friends of hers, and has a very abstract style. She can go into detail, but rather prefers not to. Cabris has been painting most of her life, and is rather good, though still has some development to do stylistically. She has minor interests in reading, botany, and interior design.
Fears: She fears large bodies of water (lakes, oceans, etc, but not a shallow pool) as well as having to live in subservience to her betters. She also fears having to sacrifice her passion for creating to take up a career more befitting of her blood color.
Goals: To maintain her hive and her passion for creating, to live as independently and autonomously as she can, to make the best of imperial servitude, and to keep her friends safe. However, she hasn't thought very far forward in her future.
Appearance: She is 5'6", with slightly wider shoulders for a female. She is somewhere in the fit-muscular range, with a somewhat toned body, but she isn't exactly bulky. In video game stats, her attack and speed would be high, but she's would lack in defense and HP. She's has an oval-ish face with a sharp chin. She wears her hair in a sloppy braid that reaches her shoulder blades. Her horns in reference to canon characters look most like gamzee's, but are less curvy, bend forward instead of outward, and are oriented more on the top of her head. She has a few scars from misc. fights in the past. She generally doesn't wear any makeup, preferring to decorate the spaces around her instead of herself, and dresses in a midcut, hooded gray jacket, a dark grey shirt, black capris, and grey converses, her sign on her shirt.
Personality Strengths: Creative, optimistic, strong willed, perseverant, loyal, easy going.
Weaknesses: Reckless, slow to trust, can be quick tempered, can hold a grudge, quick to defend her loved ones and home violently, has problems facing her emotional problems, often putting them on a back burner and ignoring them until she has no choice but to deal with them, and often does so poorly, often assumes the worst in people at first.
Hive: A treehouse centered in a rainforest. It gives her some seclusion and protection from drones, as well as from other trolls. She's something of a survivalist, but buys in food and other essentials for basic hygiene.
Sign: Two circles connected by a wavy line. I'm afraid to admit that I made this sign ages ago, and Ive forgotten the symbolism behind it (woo good going self "XD)
Weapon: Either uses a spear or nunchucks, depending on the situation.
Quadrants: None presently
God Tier: Maid of Space
Dreaming Moon: Prospit
Quirk: Turns double S's into 55, five being a motif throughout her life, as well as for the relationship she has with her lusus.

I hope I have not forgotten anything! Do let me know if that is the case!

Check out my God Tier/Fantroll Help Memo HERE :D!

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