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Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Offline 11-01-2017, 03:38 AM
Reply: #401
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
How do I do this? Do I do it like this:

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Quirk:

Something like that?

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Offline 11-01-2017, 06:35 AM (This reply was last modified: 11-01-2017 06:37 AM by z-star.)(Edited by z-star.)
Reply: #402
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(10-30-2017 05:06 AM)Vick Wrote:  
(10-29-2017 12:55 AM)Dilmec Wrote:  
(10-28-2017 09:00 PM)Amurlintz Wrote:  
(10-25-2017 07:18 AM)z-star Wrote:  
(10-24-2017 12:25 PM)pickedPocket Wrote:  I think this troll might need some more interests or themes to build him up. I mean from the bare bones you posted about his dude is all about snakes.

His other personality traits were meant to be his affinity for literature and reading as well as the almost compulsive need for organization and precision. Sorry if I didn't define it enough!


(Note! This character is also from a canon universe, specifically the Earth created at the end of the comic)


(Note! This other character is also from a canon universe, specifically the Earth created at the end of the comic)


Again, just like pickedPocket said, your characters need more...Things and interests to build them up. They just...Kinda feel empty. They're way too simple. My apologies if I'm sounding rude, but I think you need to build them up more.

I agree. Maybe try and add to their personality and emphasize how their interests work into the way they function as people. Also, I suggest some sort of example of text dialogue, because knowing how your character communicates can be important.

I agree with them! There should be a few more changes so your oc's are more rounded. For starters, it seems that they could use some background info. For example, what was Anguis' lusus like? A lusus is heavily influential on their troll unless they had outside influences that changed them more when they were younger. Understanding what their personality is like might help with their interests and making them more developed, y'know? For example, if Anguis has something resembling OCD, maybe he'll really enjoy puzzles and solving things and making them right? If he 's into snake charming, does he ever manipulate his lusus or only other trolls with snake lusii? Because he can potentially manipulate snakes, does he ever try to manipulate other people because he enjoys the feeling or is it more like a strife specibus in which he uses them to attack his enemies? How did he discover snake charming? Does he have a specific method or style for interior design (certain colors, certain items, placement, etc.)? As a mage of mind, how does he benefit from his aspect and how does he suffer from it? Towards the beginning of the game, mages fluctuate from scarcity to overabundance of their aspects. Which will allow him to interact with other trolls to get some relationships pre-game/beginning of the game? Are there any other major themes relating to snakes that might play into his theme? EG Snakes could be a symbol for duality and/or the never ending cycle of life and death. So maybe you could use those other themes and find other interests that relate to them.

Yes, this is very interesting advice! Let me address some of the things that were mentioned:

He was said to like playing the flute as a general activity, I only made the connection to snake charming based on his theme, however in his hypothetical Alternian life the flute would be very important. His flute was found in one of his lusus' shedded skins, and to it was attached the music (specifically a particularly snakey tune). This was an artifact owned by his ancestor, The Chaarmer, which would be used to commune with serpentine creatures, as much as the melody was being played correctly (the more exact it is performed, the stronger the psychic link). Anguius would use it to ease his lusus' instinctual urges and stop him from targeting and eventually hunting mammalian lusii (Without regulation, he could wipe out entire populations of creatures, leaving [presumably?] higher castes without custodians which would be a problem). And so, practicing the flute would be mandatory activity.

And yes, he is quite fond of puzzles, and is constantly toying with different patterns of SERPENT passwords and configuring different outcomes for each game depending on certain variables. (He likes to give them to his friends to solve sometimes)

His writing style is very aarticulaate aand verbo5e, 5peaaking with aan inflection remini5cent of aa 5naake's hi55. He u5e5 proper graamaar and 5yntaax5 aalwaay5.

As you eluded to the dual natures that the symbolic serpent represents, his horn shape was meant to convey that pattern, being inverse to each other, in a cycling motion. This ties into how his aspect of Mind is usually the anchor to some of his friends' aspects (Light, Hope, Breath, etc) keeping their respective ideologies in check with logic and reason, often conflicting with them. Depending on the situation this can be either a positive or negative aspect of his personality, simultaneously creating and destroying problems within both himself as well as others.

Also! You mentioned his interactions simply with "other trolls".Anguis lives on Earth C, the universe created at the end of Homestuck in which humans, trolls, carapaces, and consorts live together. The majority of his friends are human!

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Offline 11-01-2017, 08:06 AM
Reply: #403
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(11-01-2017 03:38 AM)feltandmidnightcrewstuff Wrote:  How do I do this? Do I do it like this:

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Quirk:

Something like that?

Yeah.
Actually just add any information you deem relevant.

Again, I'm tired and busy so it's being slow, thank you for being patient.

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Offline 11-01-2017, 09:55 AM
Reply: #404
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Which class/aspect do you think this ability would belong to?
I'm looking to make a dude that has the ability to peak into the future, without being a space player or already awake on Prospit.
Instead he does this by being aware of every doomed timeline, perhaps even having more knowledge of them then the time player (if that isn't him already?). Despite only playing the game now, he's had these prophetic visions all his life... which sucks as they're not pleasant. These visions come to him mostly when he sleeps, in the form of extremely vivid and horrifying nightmares. As the release date for SBurb approaches, these nightmares amp it up in both frequency and terror....

Aside from giving this character sleep issues, they do put him into contact with a valuable source of knowledge - specifically of things not to do. He's used this information both as a tool and a muse; rising to the top of his career and inspiration for his music.

I was thinking perhaps this would be a skillset for a Doom player, but which class? And I'm not so sure I want to write a Doom player anyway, I don't want to saddle him up with that level of emotional baggage... And Doom has specific Aspect needs that I'm not sure I can hit with this dude.

Or maybe this could be the power of a Mage of Breath? He's able to hear all the different ways his path could go, allowing him to pick the best one ATM.
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Offline 11-01-2017, 11:25 AM
Reply: #405
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(11-01-2017 08:06 AM)Ghostsoul Wrote:  
(11-01-2017 03:38 AM)feltandmidnightcrewstuff Wrote:  How do I do this? Do I do it like this:

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Quirk:

Something like that?

Yeah.
Actually just add any information you deem relevant.

Again, I'm tired and busy so it's being slow, thank you for being patient.

No worries! Take your time and please don't feel obligated to answer my request immediately
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Offline 11-02-2017, 02:15 AM
Reply: #406
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(11-01-2017 08:06 AM)Ghostsoul Wrote:  
(11-01-2017 03:38 AM)feltandmidnightcrewstuff Wrote:  How do I do this? Do I do it like this:

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Quirk:

Something like that?

Yeah.
Actually just add any information you deem relevant.

Again, I'm tired and busy so it's being slow, thank you for being patient.

Okay, thanks. I'll do what's easier for me. And you're welcome

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Offline 11-02-2017, 05:28 AM
Reply: #407
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(11-01-2017 06:35 AM)z-star Wrote:  
(10-30-2017 05:06 AM)Vick Wrote:  
(10-29-2017 12:55 AM)Dilmec Wrote:  
(10-28-2017 09:00 PM)Amurlintz Wrote:  
(10-25-2017 07:18 AM)z-star Wrote:  
His other personality traits were meant to be his affinity for literature and reading as well as the almost compulsive need for organization and precision. Sorry if I didn't define it enough!


(Note! This character is also from a canon universe, specifically the Earth created at the end of the comic)


(Note! This other character is also from a canon universe, specifically the Earth created at the end of the comic)


Again, just like pickedPocket said, your characters need more...Things and interests to build them up. They just...Kinda feel empty. They're way too simple. My apologies if I'm sounding rude, but I think you need to build them up more.

I agree. Maybe try and add to their personality and emphasize how their interests work into the way they function as people. Also, I suggest some sort of example of text dialogue, because knowing how your character communicates can be important.

I agree with them! There should be a few more changes so your oc's are more rounded. For starters, it seems that they could use some background info. For example, what was Anguis' lusus like? A lusus is heavily influential on their troll unless they had outside influences that changed them more when they were younger. Understanding what their personality is like might help with their interests and making them more developed, y'know? For example, if Anguis has something resembling OCD, maybe he'll really enjoy puzzles and solving things and making them right? If he 's into snake charming, does he ever manipulate his lusus or only other trolls with snake lusii? Because he can potentially manipulate snakes, does he ever try to manipulate other people because he enjoys the feeling or is it more like a strife specibus in which he uses them to attack his enemies? How did he discover snake charming? Does he have a specific method or style for interior design (certain colors, certain items, placement, etc.)? As a mage of mind, how does he benefit from his aspect and how does he suffer from it? Towards the beginning of the game, mages fluctuate from scarcity to overabundance of their aspects. Which will allow him to interact with other trolls to get some relationships pre-game/beginning of the game? Are there any other major themes relating to snakes that might play into his theme? EG Snakes could be a symbol for duality and/or the never ending cycle of life and death. So maybe you could use those other themes and find other interests that relate to them.

Yes, this is very interesting advice! Let me address some of the things that were mentioned:

He was said to like playing the flute as a general activity, I only made the connection to snake charming based on his theme, however in his hypothetical Alternian life the flute would be very important. His flute was found in one of his lusus' shedded skins, and to it was attached the music (specifically a particularly snakey tune). This was an artifact owned by his ancestor, The Chaarmer, which would be used to commune with serpentine creatures, as much as the melody was being played correctly (the more exact it is performed, the stronger the psychic link). Anguius would use it to ease his lusus' instinctual urges and stop him from targeting and eventually hunting mammalian lusii (Without regulation, he could wipe out entire populations of creatures, leaving [presumably?] higher castes without custodians which would be a problem). And so, practicing the flute would be mandatory activity.

And yes, he is quite fond of puzzles, and is constantly toying with different patterns of SERPENT passwords and configuring different outcomes for each game depending on certain variables. (He likes to give them to his friends to solve sometimes)

His writing style is very aarticulaate aand verbo5e, 5peaaking with aan inflection remini5cent of aa 5naake's hi55. He u5e5 proper graamaar and 5yntaax5 aalwaay5.

As you eluded to the dual natures that the symbolic serpent represents, his horn shape was meant to convey that pattern, being inverse to each other, in a cycling motion. This ties into how his aspect of Mind is usually the anchor to some of his friends' aspects (Light, Hope, Breath, etc) keeping their respective ideologies in check with logic and reason, often conflicting with them. Depending on the situation this can be either a positive or negative aspect of his personality, simultaneously creating and destroying problems within both himself as well as others.

Also! You mentioned his interactions simply with "other trolls".Anguis lives on Earth C, the universe created at the end of Homestuck in which humans, trolls, carapaces, and consorts live together. The majority of his friends are human!

Hey, actually, I really like his writing style! And a lot of the other details you mention are actually pretty creative. I like what you came up with!

[Image: sburb.png]
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Offline 11-02-2017, 11:33 AM
Reply: #408
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(11-01-2017 09:55 AM)pickedPocket Wrote:  Which class/aspect do you think this ability would belong to?
I'm looking to make a dude that has the ability to peak into the future, without being a space player or already awake on Prospit.
Instead he does this by being aware of every doomed timeline, perhaps even having more knowledge of them then the time player (if that isn't him already?). Despite only playing the game now, he's had these prophetic visions all his life... which sucks as they're not pleasant. These visions come to him mostly when he sleeps, in the form of extremely vivid and horrifying nightmares. As the release date for SBurb approaches, these nightmares amp it up in both frequency and terror....

Aside from giving this character sleep issues, they do put him into contact with a valuable source of knowledge - specifically of things not to do. He's used this information both as a tool and a muse; rising to the top of his career and inspiration for his music.

I was thinking perhaps this would be a skillset for a Doom player, but which class? And I'm not so sure I want to write a Doom player anyway, I don't want to saddle him up with that level of emotional baggage... And Doom has specific Aspect needs that I'm not sure I can hit with this dude.

Or maybe this could be the power of a Mage of Breath? He's able to hear all the different ways his path could go, allowing him to pick the best one ATM.


Hey there; I'm not Ghostsoul but I think I can answer this. Personally the first thing I thought of was either a Seer or Mage of Time; they both fit in the category of prophetic dreams and seem to be a good choice, but Seer of Doom is also a nice alternative I believe. Him being a Time
player can also tie in nicely with his aforementioned interest in music, so yeah, I'd think him being a Time player would actually be your best bet. I apologize if I didn't help all too much but here are my thoughts, haha.

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Offline 11-03-2017, 11:47 PM (This reply was last modified: 11-04-2017 12:27 AM by pickedPocket.)(Edited by pickedPocket.)
Reply: #409
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(11-02-2017 11:33 AM)la devotee Wrote:  
Hey there; I'm not Ghostsoul but I think I can answer this. Personally the first thing I thought of was either a Seer or Mage of Time; they both fit in the category of prophetic dreams and seem to be a good choice, but Seer of Doom is also a nice alternative I believe. Him being a Time
player can also tie in nicely with his aforementioned interest in music, so yeah, I'd think him being a Time player would actually be your best bet. I apologize if I didn't help all too much but here are my thoughts, haha.

No no I appreciate any and all input on things such as this.
I never realized how hard it is to classpect a character before so I could use all the advice I can get!

I'm just sort of nervous making him a Time player due to the fact that he's got a strong connection to music... I don't want to be seen as making like a version of Dave. And to be honest with myself I feel like there are more deserving players out there for the Time Aspect than an annoying musical star.
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