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Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Offline 09-04-2017, 04:28 AM
Reply: #361
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(08-26-2017 11:01 AM)Alienoid Wrote:  So I recently got inspired and decided to make a fantroll right from scratch! Started out with the idea for a troll who makes space puns and I kind of took it from there. I... Apologise beforehand for the excessive amount of text.

Strela Lokeed
(STRELL-uh LOCK-eed)
For future reference, I would personally prefer if you put the meanings right after each of the items, instead of pushing them all to the end. I'll also keep these comments mostly at the end since that's where you put most of the meanings.

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Species: _____Troll
Gender: ______Female
Lusus: _______Moonkey (Sprite)
Good pun.
Trolltag: ____gammaticAperture
Typing Style: speaks with an (or)biT- of a lofT-y, airy sorT- of voice, *WHOOOOOOOOSH*! has the (cos)mosT- space puns and T-erminology eon T-he block. (#113DFD)
Strife Deck: _raygunkind (Raygunkind.)
It's fitting and rather original.
Classpect: ___Mage of Space
Game Planet: _Land of Chemicals and Frogs
Dream Planet: Prospit
Ancestor: ____Observer Darkmate


Your name is STRELA LOKEED. You could say your life is primarily dominated by your fascination with UTILITIES FOR SPACE-FLIGHT. While you someday dream to leave your home planet to venture among the stars, for now, you are too young to be considered the type of adult prepared for INTERPLANTERY DOMINATION.
A fitting hobby, especially for a highblood. You instead spend your time tending to your MODEL SPACESHIP KITS and flying them around your room, which is to say, you grab them and run around in circles making cool noises with your mouth. Your love for make-believe has earned you a few notches under your ROLEPLAYING RINGABELT, though you tend to drift away from the more dangerous, deadly type of roleplaying game. That isn't to say you're all imagination and no arm joint grease, however, you've got a KNACK FOR MECHANICOLOGY for that one fateful day your spaceship breaks down so that you won't be stranded anywhere you'd rather not remain. You also have a love for CARTOONS, relishing in the light-hearted chord they strike in comparison to the rest of your brutal society.
I think it's an interesting hobby, since I don't see many characters have it, although it is a bit contrasting with her excitement towards interplanetary domination.

The usual evening for you is spent caught up in the various fantasies you construct for yourself in eager anticipation for your first REAL SPACESHIP RIDE. You tend to run through life with your HEAD IN THE STARS, to the point where some people call you a bit obsessive with your (space)craft, pun intended. This is likely due to the influence of spending many a morning analysing the cryptic visions you've been able to piece together from your dreams.
How much of this information is important? Seems odd for a highblood to have any kind of powers? While you've attempted to branch out into different forms of art, you've quickly discovered that they're boring as sin and that nothing beats a good old GEAR-TURNING ADVENTURE. You will, however, admit that you've been getting into a few daunting works of literature as of late, which has been hell for your sleep schedule. Taking care of yourself isn't exactly always your highest priority, sufficed to say.

Strela is essentially the Alternian equivalent to a train enthusiast here on Earth, being endlessly fascinated with spaceships and all things space travel. In comparison to most of her species, she tends to be a bit on the cheerier side, but that isn't to say she's all pillows and blankets - she's an extreme fanatic for her craft, and that craft involves a fair amount of hyperspeed and rough conditions in the cold, harsh vacuum of space. Despite all that's said and done, though, she can sometimes be a bit empty-headed when it comes to social situations, even if her heart is in the right place. She's just so excited to share what she's passionate about that she tends to draw a blank on how other people might be taking it.
I think in general her personality seems well developed.

Explanations

Name: Strela is derived from the Spanish word 'estrella', which translates to 'Star', in reference to her space and space travel theme. Lokeed is a nod to the Lockheed Martin X-33, a canceled space shuttle successor project. Lockheed Martin itself is a big name in technology; primarily aircraft. Additionally, there's the syllable 'lok', as in 'lock', as in 'airlock'.
You've got a lot of nice associations here!
Symbol: Simply put: it's a rocket ship.
Lusus: (Huge thank you to my brother for helping me design her! Couldn't have done it without you, bro.) Earth has been dreaming about sending monkeys to the moon for ages, not to mention actually sending some, so monkeys and space have a bit of a societal connection. Not to mention, that pun. 'Moonkey'.
Trolltag: Gammatic is a portmentau of 'gamma' (as in gamma radiation, or, "penetrating electromagnetic radiation of a kind arising from the radioactive decay of atomic nuclei", abundant in outer space) and 'schematic', akin to blueprints. As an expert on spacecraft and space in general, she's well aware of the exacting nature of Aperture describes a hole or gap in something, most commonly referring to the amount of space light travels through into photographic or telescopic equipment. To put it simply, she has her sights on something. It's space.
It's pretty fancy, and although it doesn't directly refer to space travel, but it's very well selected and every detail seems accounted for.
Typing Style: The most prominent quirk is her capitalising all t's and adding a hyphen afterwards. This is because of the phrase 'T minus'. T-. Like a countdown for a rocket launch. The space puns should be fairly apparent - because she's space-related.
Oh, punny. For easier readability, words that might impact readability (going from bit to orbit, for example) are split up with parentheses meant to mirror Saturn's rings, or just an orbit in general. Her constant sound effects enclosed in asterisks is a nod both to spaceships themselves being LOUD, and the fact that they're enclosed with stars: *'s.
That's very creative!
Strife Deck: Her wielding a raygun is a reference to the stereotypical Martians who run around with huge bug eyes and cartoony plasma blasters as they abduct cows or whatever.
Yeah, I see that.
Classpect: Making her a Space player seemed like a fitting choice in my opinion, because of her endless enthusiasm when it comes to outer space - or more specifically rocket ships, which are made of a lot of moving parts and different chemical reactions and movement and a lot of things that embody the concept of Space itself. Making her a Mage is in reference to her familiarity with Space, as Mages tend to be very knowledgeable about their aspect (space) from personal experience, as well as an analysis of Mages that I was introduced to recently that proposes the concept that Mages toss themselves at their aspect, to no avail. Similarly, Strela is the expert on all things rocket-related, but has yet to leave Alternia on a spaceship (and never will, on account of the game and all).
I got it, it fits well.
Game Planet: LOCAF is a relatively barren wasteland, with the exception of the more than countless number of high-tech laboratories run by the millions of iguanas on the planet. Thousands of genetic experiments are taking place at any given moment, either on the consorts themselves, or on the various frogs held in captivity. Getting access to those frogs requires a ridiculous amount of paperwork and waver-signing and strict scheduling.
Frogs are a simple enough inclusion for a Space player, so I'll instead explain the role Chemicals play on the planet. Not only are chemical reactions a vital part of the process when it comes to getting rockets out into space, it's also a metaphor for what Strela needs to learn. Strela is the type of person to get really obsessive about a single (or small group of) things without much room for anything else to get a word in edge-wise. Chemicals, while they don't change on a whim, do change when mixed together in the right combination - sometimes very powerfully and in a volatile manner. Change. Strela needs to learn change, to adapt - not to forget where she came from, but to allow room for growth and difference. This sort of ties in with her aspect of Space, which deals with creation and growth.
I like how well thought out her planet is, and how you made it so it directly relates to her journey as a person.
Dream Planet: Space player. Prospit. Not much to say on the matter.
Ancestor: 'Darkmate' is a shortening of 'dark matter', in reference to her space/space travel theme. While Strela wishes to journey the stars in her own personal space vehicle, Darkmate is a renowned charter of the constellations visible from planets part of the Alternian empire. This is, however, after she vanished from her drafted role in an engine manufacturing plant, so once her anonymous publishings were traced to the source, she didn't last much longer than that on account of shrugging off her given duty.
Darkmate is an interesting name, and it's certainly one I've never seen used before, and not one that simply implies an occupation. Plus it keeps a cheery quality too it.
You have a well detailed OC here, although the theme is basic you have made it very original and intriguing and have managed to find lots of ways to develop it and especially within keeping of the setting. The name and trolltag are especially well chosen, with lots of detail and references. Her personality is well tied into her character arc and development and her character in general is closely tied to the universe of Homestuck. There generally aren't any other comments that wouldn't feel like nitpicks so, good going!

9/10

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Offline 09-06-2017, 10:53 PM
Reply: #362
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(08-27-2017 11:01 PM)greenzor Wrote:  alright, thank you, i will work on that! (no need to rush to get on mine! work on the others! XD)
All in spoilers!


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Offline 09-07-2017, 12:15 PM
Reply: #363
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Alright thanks! here's the last one!


[Image: v73Em2Z.png]
Kimona Carapt
Knight of light
(credit to YD)
http://forums.msparp.com/showthread.php?tid=14679
http://forums.msparp.com/showthread.php?...#pid183978
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Offline 09-09-2017, 11:21 PM
Reply: #364
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(09-07-2017 12:15 PM)greenzor Wrote:  Alright thanks! here's the last one!
Thanks! All in spoilers.


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Offline 09-10-2017, 02:01 AM
Reply: #365
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
alright, and thanks so much! ^w^

[Image: v73Em2Z.png]
Kimona Carapt
Knight of light
(credit to YD)
http://forums.msparp.com/showthread.php?tid=14679
http://forums.msparp.com/showthread.php?...#pid183978
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Offline Today, 03:02 AM
Reply: #366
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
No problem!

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