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Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Offline 05-01-2016, 01:53 AM
Reply: #31
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
I'd need some help with my OC:

He's based on the goddess / meteorite Vesta, the guardian of the holy fire and the goddess of hearth and home. (So basically a chef)

Not bad (All review inside the spoiler tags)

Basic Information:
General appearance and personality:

Plot:

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Offline 05-14-2016, 09:09 AM
Reply: #32
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Is this still going?
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Offline 05-14-2016, 11:34 PM
Reply: #33
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Yep! (Although nobody has posted anything)

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Offline 05-15-2016, 01:07 AM
Reply: #34
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Name: Lalnah Dearth

Age: 8 sweeps

Gender: Male

Caste | Hex Code: Burgundy | #a10000

Personality:

Lalnah is a meticulous and tenacious person, unlikely to give up on anything until it becomes an immediate risk to his health. Unfortunately, this does not carry over to his alcohol use, which he continues to abuse to quell what he calls the incessant voices of the damned. It seems as if he always has a glass of some soporific fluid near him at a given time, in some state of partial consumption. Despite this, he is a kind-hearted individual, and often looks out for the safety of others even at the expense of his own. He is always willing to listen to the grievances of others, and he is more than happy to offer advice. After all, he’s had plenty of experience making mistakes, and he would rather help others avoid them.

Appearance:
Sprite Sheet is Here!

Lusus: Bat

He is a cat-sized fruit bat that is generally in a state of cronic illness. Lalnah has spent the better part of three sweeps caring for the sickly creature, but unfortunately he has had no luck in treating him.

Classpect:

Mage of Void, one who learns from the void through suffering from it. In this case, Lalnah suffers from never having enough. As much as he would like to, he can rarely afford to purchase food in the urban city environment he lives in. Because of this dearth (hehe im punny) of food, he took to cannibalism to ensure he had enough to eat. This is his voidly “barrier” that exists between him and others, as per the aspect’s requirements. (For example, Roxy’s alcoholism and Equius’s adherence to the hemospectrum) Additionally, he hears the whispers of the horrorterrors of the outer ring.

Ancestor: The Immortal

Basically the troll equivalent of Bill Nye the Science Guy, Lalnah's ancestor was the star in a video series shown to young trolls as a part of school feeding. Of course, in the videos he was portrayed as rather flighty and incompetent, lead along by a more intelligent highblooded narrator. The show was designed more for entertainment than actual teaching, but often would leave the schoolfed wrigglers with select snippets of scientific information.

Hive Location: A coastal city, in a cramped communal hivestem.

Typing Quirk: Lalnah capitalizes his O’s, and turns his v’s into the greater-than-symbol. He types in all lowercase, representing a hollow manner of speaking. He starts his statements with an arrow, in an attempt to draw enough focus to them so that people will read what he has to say.
(-> the quick brOwn fOx jumped O>er the lazy dOg)

[Image: Zb9ZfgY.gif]
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Offline 05-15-2016, 02:16 AM (This reply was last modified: 05-15-2016 03:16 AM by Fubar.)(Edited by Fubar.)
Reply: #35
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
*cough*onthepreviouspagetheresSage'sstillunreviewedcharacter*

Okay, this asshole is a huge work in progress so I'll show you what I have about him and request critique and advice. So far the only dead-set things about him are his personality, typing quirk and animal theme, ahything else is adjustable.

Name: Ahhkan Tuster (from Achantaster aka Crown Of Thorns starfish)

Gender: Male

Trolltag: burlesqueDisrupted [BD] (basically, interruppted farce, he's also quite a confrontation jerk who loves big words)

Symbol: (I didn't go for regulary known crown-of-thorns symbol because it has other meaning)
Blood: violet

Age: about 8 sweeps, I think

Fetch Modus, Strife Specibus: no idea. Any suggestions?

Appearance: WIP. At least he is 6' tall and probably wears long black pants and sleeveless vest with his symbol on the chest and gloves on his hands. Yes, I know, seadwellers can be fancy. Apparently he doesn't want to. Maybe add some spike-like lines on his pants though?

Lusus: I was going to go for some creature mixup but I think that Crown Of Thorns starfish looks alien enough by itself. His lusus needs a proper name but so far it's Crown-Of-Thorns or, how Ahhkan calls his dad, "the Old Thorn" (hey, Gamzee canonically called his lusus "the old goat" and I want to try something else besides "animalMom/Dad", given canon Pounce De Leijon, Pyralspite and Tinkerbull)

Hive: A giant coral reef-like cave near the surface. it has exits to to the water and to the surface. inside there are some flooded rooms and some air-filled. Crown-Of-Thorns is sometimes crawling on the room's walls and ceiling, both underwater and air-filled ones.

Typing quirk: replaces "s" and "S" with "5", capitalizes the word "star", even in words so it becomes something like "5TARting now" Shoehorns the word "star" into other words so words as "straight" and "strange" become "5TARaight" and "5TARange". Doesn't use capitalization at the beginning of the sentence but does capitalize the first lettres of proper nouns so it looks like that: "BD: competitive octopus wrestling is a game me and The Old Thorn play often". Also capitalizes whole word for emphasis. Uses B), BD, >BE and BO for his emoticons (and yes, this is the real case behind his trolltag, i.e., his acronym). Sometimes expresses his opinions on things by rating them "[something] out of 5 stars." Also swears a lot using some mixed-up contructions (that is the first reason behind him, the idea was to make a troll who would talk kinda like a mix of Equius and Meenah).
Personality aka the second reason why this one was made: He majorly sucks at red parts of troll feelings (both flushed and pale) so he expresses himslef, communicates and tries to support others through black ones. In other words, he will actively oppose others, throwing insults left, right and centre. He actually enjoys a trash-taking fights. The reason behind it so he sets himself up as an opponent to vent at so instead of being generally worried others can vent right at him. In other words, he can actually hear others out, not through shoosh-papping but through fights, verbal or otherwise. He does look like he's trying to blackflirt with everyone but should the one he's talking to reject blackrom advances he will actually backpedal and state something among the lines of: "if you don't wanna have a pitchrom with me, that5 okay. your choice, your problem5" and will offer to continue communicating through platonic hatred. Should he openly hurt someone deep inside by mentioning a rather sensitive topic he'll even try to apologize because "trying to actually traumatize, injury or kill tho5e who i oppo5e make5 a5 much 5en5e a5 a pant5hitting ru5tblood being the head of 5ubjuggulator5." For the same reason he also enjoys auspicticizing, even mediating between two trolls whos rivalry became dangerous (sure, the "mediation" would resemble something like "you fucker5 5hut your squeal pipette5 and come at me if you wanna fight" but still). Given his symbol and lusus you can call him a thorn in others' side

Yes, the whole idea behind this jerk was to try to headcanon an idea of a properly working Alternian hatred-based communication, which doesn't even have to be romantic.

Interests: Aside from acting like an enemy to grind EXP on for those he meets he also enjoys a little of history; competitive octopus wrestling with his lusus (the idea is to go underwater, find an octopus and try to drag it into dry rooms of his hive; whoever drags in more octopii during a given amount of time, wins); travelling shallow waters in general, fighting with lusii he finds there and Alternian Seadwelling Fine Arts which do resemble the landdwelling High Arts only with starfishes instead
(pretty sure High Arts have more marine fauna depicted, he just has a starfish fetish in general)


SGRUB info aka classpect, consorts and land: I am at loss here. Any classpect suggestions?

My fan adventures:

Troll Jailbreak

Trolls but no SGRUB

A kid in some strange world
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Offline 05-15-2016, 03:10 AM
Reply: #36
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(05-14-2016 11:34 PM)Ghostsoul Wrote:  Yep! (Although nobody has posted anything)

I had posted but i'm not sure if you've seen it. It was on the page before.
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Offline 05-15-2016, 03:44 AM (This reply was last modified: 05-15-2016 04:20 AM by Ghostsoul.)(Edited by Ghostsoul.)
Reply: #37
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(05-15-2016 03:10 AM)Sage Wrote:  
(05-14-2016 11:34 PM)Ghostsoul Wrote:  Yep! (Although nobody has posted anything)

I had posted but i'm not sure if you've seen it. It was on the page before.
Perhaps I didn't see it.
I think I was in the midst of doing another review while you wrote yours and posted it, and therefore I never saw it.

I'll get to these reviews tomorrow, is that alright with everyone?

I'm not one to keep constant ideas with OCs, they keep changing and shit. However i think i might as well try to keep a solid structure with one of them, starting with Hyelix. i hop this is a good

I hop so too


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Offline 05-15-2016, 04:41 AM (This reply was last modified: 05-15-2016 05:09 AM by literaryAssassin.)(Edited by literaryAssassin.)
Reply: #38
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Woo, I've submitted this little troll girl a few different places, why not add her here?

The game timeline isn't completely mapped out yet, but her non-game timeline is, and I will literally talk about it for hours if you let me. So... I didn't add that in there.

[insert inspirational/funny quote here]
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Offline 05-15-2016, 05:50 AM
Reply: #39
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
I think now that i've read up on the godtier, Mage of Void would suit him quite well, too well actually wow. Thank you on the nod over to that.

And as to the explanation of the Hivemind (If it is about the Hivemind), it's a collection of ghosts that he'd made a pact with, a sort of terms and conditions thing as his mind is susceptible to ghosts, as well as his willpower being almost at naught. He needed friends, and they needed a body to us so boop they made a deal. He was taught how to weave ghostly fibres from spirits and make a poncho made from these threads to ward off bad spirits that may choose to invade his body and pretty much fuck around. I can explain more if you wish.
x1(list)
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Offline 05-15-2016, 06:14 AM
Reply: #40
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(05-15-2016 05:50 AM)Sage Wrote:  
I think now that i've read up on the godtier, Mage of Void would suit him quite well, too well actually wow. Thank you on the nod over to that.

And as to the explanation of the Hivemind (If it is about the Hivemind), it's a collection of ghosts that he'd made a pact with, a sort of terms and conditions thing as his mind is susceptible to ghosts, as well as his willpower being almost at naught. He needed friends, and they needed a body to us so boop they made a deal. He was taught how to weave ghostly fibres from spirits and make a poncho made from these threads to ward off bad spirits that may choose to invade his body and pretty much fuck around. I can explain more if you wish.

Oooh, the pact thing is nice. I don't need any more information. But this is a really sweet idea.

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