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Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Offline 09-29-2017, 03:11 AM
Reply: #371
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(09-28-2017 11:17 AM)pickedPocket Wrote:  What are some good ideas when filling out a character's strife portfolio?
Right like I've been attempting to design a character or two but this (along with Classpect stuff) always seems to give me the most trouble. Like I can never be sure if my choices are either too predictable, or if I'm just going with what I think is cool at the moment. Plus it seems like Sburb can make anything a useful weapon, if Vriska's dice are any indication.

So are there any sort of tips or tricks to choosing?
It very much depends on the theme of the character.
Almost all sorts of things can work, but I would go for something 'upgradable' something that can change quite a few times during the game in order to make it better.
Here's a list of strife specibus mentioned in canon for some ideas:
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Offline 09-30-2017, 03:18 AM
Reply: #372
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
POSTING ANOTHER ONE BC WHY NOT
Name
Jejira Moivre
Name meaning
Jejira's last name, Moivre, is a reference to De Moivre's theorem, A formula useful for finding powers and roots of complex numbers. This choice was made because Jejira, quite simply, is very interested in mathematics in general.
Trolltag captivatingCitrine
(btw, citrine is one of her favorite types of jewels)
Gender
She/her.
Appearance
queen
Jejira wears lots of makeup, and it shows, although she does look nice in it. She's short and curvy.
Age
6 and a half sweeps.
Sign
Lacerta - Lizard
Lusus
The centipede lizard, a sneaky oversized lizard with a body that has extendable length. Can grow out limbs at will, and gains more sets of legs the more its body grows out.
She is quite strong for her size and often steals and scavenges random materials. When she raised Jejira, she would find various things like toys, pacifiers, and essentials like food and such in order to keep her happy and healthy.
Blood Caste Iris color, part of the blue-violet region and below the violet blood colors. Not sure if this can be canon or not, it isn't mutant or anything but I'm still unsure.
Strife Specibus
I'm not completely sure, I'm kinda considering something like jewelkind but I'm unsure of how to execute that. Any suggestions?
Quirk
- Uses ~ as a prefix and suffix
- Turns "T" into + signs.
- Good grammar
Example:
~Are you doing alrigh+? You haven'+ answered any of my messages.~
My main issue is that, while the + sign thing goes along with her enjoyment for math, it's mostly supposed to reference her horns. I feel like it could use some refurbishing.
Personality
Jejira is rather pretty. She's got good looks and a body that she loves. She's smart, and knowledgeable in several subjects, especially math and psychology (she knows a lot about the mind's functions), and most importantly, she seems rather confident in herself. She's loyal to her friends and tends to try and build them up when they're at a low point, despite sometimes being rude or hurtful to them in the first place.
She can be clingy and needy at times from people who she really cares about.

However, Jejira's got a thing about her image that really matters to her.
She wants to be known for only the best things about her, and goes out of her way to polish and hide the things that she simply can't change.
She acts stuck up towards lower bloods when she's with her highblood friends, however, she does have lower blood friends who she spends time with in private. She seems pretty friendly and pretends to be that way so people don't see what a bitch she can be until they know her well.
She has a LOT of makeup concealing somewhat large birthmarks that are on her face, and she hates them. She's very fearful of letting her various habits and secrets get out, and she is very protective of her identity, unless she's with close friends.

She likes to mess with people's heads. Not psychically or anything, but when she sees a reward or goal in it, she can manipulate people pretty well by putting on different guises in her persona to gradually obtain what she wants. She also tends to be nosy, snooping on other people's personal business in order to find dirt on them for blackmail if she ever needs anything.
On top of everything, she's a kleptomaniac, and occasionally "borrows" little trinkets from her friends, should she find anything she likes in particular.
All in all:
Jejira is:
- Clever
- Fashionable
- Clingy
- Loyal
- Self-obsessed
- Manipulative
- Nosy
Interests
She enjoys fashion quite a bit, often giving herself and friends makeovers for their outfits and doing their makeup for fun.
She likes math, as previously mentioned, doing various complicated algebraic formulas just because.
She has a bot of an obsession with shiny things, which is why she loves jewelry.
She actually enjoys theater, plays, and movies a lot (especially musicals) and likes to sing and act out her favorite scenes, sometimes by herself and sometimes with friends.
Classpect
Haven't really thought too much on it, but I feel like a Thief of Space could work.
Land of: Crystals and Caverns

Thanks for reviewing Dilmec before, I've come up with some good motivations for his character since, but I'm still working on this one and I'd love some advice.
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Offline 09-30-2017, 06:38 AM
Reply: #373
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(09-30-2017 03:18 AM)Dilmec Wrote:  POSTING ANOTHER ONE BC WHY NOT
Name
Jejira Moivre
Name meaning
Jejira's last name, Moivre, is a reference to De Moivre's theorem, A formula useful for finding powers and roots of complex numbers. This choice was made because Jejira, quite simply, is very interested in mathematics in general.
Good choice, I like the reference to actual theorem rather than simply picking something from a foreign language.
Trolltag captivatingCitrine
(btw, citrine is one of her favorite types of jewels)
Why citrine? It's a bit of an off choice since her blood is a bright purple? 'Amethyst' can still fit the GCAT naming system, and citrine is just burnt amethyst.
Gender
She/her.
Appearance
queen
Jejira wears lots of makeup, and it shows, although she does look nice in it. She's short and curvy.
Perhaps make her lips the same colour as her (rather bright) blood to place some more emphasis on the make-up idea?
Age
6 and a half sweeps.
Sign
Lacerta - Lizard
Fair enough.
Lusus
The centipede lizard, a sneaky oversized lizard with a body that has extendable length. Can grow out limbs at will, and gains more sets of legs the more its body grows out.
She is quite strong for her size and often steals and scavenges random materials. When she raised Jejira, she would find various things like toys, pacifiers, and essentials like food and such in order to keep her happy and healthy.
Normally purple bloods have sea-dwelling lusii, perhaps some kind of giant axoltol would work? Although a sea-serpent could create some kind of 'dragon's horde' theme since we are going with the gemstones.
Blood Caste Iris color, part of the blue-violet region and below the violet blood colors. Not sure if this can be canon or not, it isn't mutant or anything but I'm still unsure.
It seems very bright, it might be a borderline mutant shade. If you took the value down a little she might be safe from mutanthood, she's on the cusp as it is. (Or if you are desperate to keep it, consider adapting her personality/situation a little and make her little? Although this might be a slightly harder character to create.
Strife Specibus
I'm not completely sure, I'm kinda considering something like jewelkind but I'm unsure of how to execute that. Any suggestions?
Jewel kind seems a bit difficult, although some kind of sharpened gemstone could work, to the point it could kind of be used as a knife or sword?
Quirk
- Uses ~ as a prefix and suffix
- Turns "T" into + signs.
- Good grammar
Example:
~Are you doing alrigh+? You haven'+ answered any of my messages.~
My main issue is that, while the + sign thing goes along with her enjoyment for math, it's mostly supposed to reference her horns. I feel like it could use some refurbishing.
Some kind of '-' or 'x' symbol mixed in perhaps? Heck, why not add all the mathematical operations to her quirk.
Personality
Jejira is rather pretty. She's got good looks and a body that she loves. She's smart, and knowledgeable in several subjects, especially math and psychology (she knows a lot about the mind's functions), and most importantly, she seems rather confident in herself. She's loyal to her friends and tends to try and build them up when they're at a low point, despite sometimes being rude or hurtful to them in the first place.
She can be clingy and needy at times from people who she really cares about.

However, Jejira's got a thing about her image that really matters to her.
She wants to be known for only the best things about her, and goes out of her way to polish and hide the things that she simply can't change.
She acts stuck up towards lower bloods when she's with her highblood friends, however, she does have lower blood friends who she spends time with in private. She seems pretty friendly and pretends to be that way so people don't see what a bitch she can be until they know her well.
She has a LOT of makeup concealing somewhat large birthmarks that are on her face, and she hates them. She's very fearful of letting her various habits and secrets get out, and she is very protective of her identity, unless she's with close friends.
The birthmark thing is pretty original and a nice aspect to her character.

She likes to mess with people's heads. Not psychically or anything, but when she sees a reward or goal in it, she can manipulate people pretty well by putting on different guises in her persona to gradually obtain what she wants. She also tends to be nosy, snooping on other people's personal business in order to find dirt on them for blackmail if she ever needs anything.
On top of everything, she's a kleptomaniac, and occasionally "borrows" little trinkets from her friends, should she find anything she likes in particular.
The character is rather balanced in their positive and negative traits, although I would perhaps like some information on what she specifically doesn't like?
All in all:
Jejira is:
- Clever
- Fashionable
- Clingy
- Loyal
- Self-obsessed
- Manipulative
- Nosy
Interests
She enjoys fashion quite a bit, often giving herself and friends makeovers for their outfits and doing their makeup for fun.
She likes math, as previously mentioned, doing various complicated algebraic formulas just because.
It's pretty rare for trolls to like fashion, but I think it mostly works in this case.
She has a bot of an obsession with shiny things, which is why she loves jewelry.
She actually enjoys theater, plays, and movies a lot (especially musicals) and likes to sing and act out her favorite scenes, sometimes by herself and sometimes with friends.
Classpect
Haven't really thought too much on it, but I feel like a Thief of Space could work.
Thief of Space most certainly works. (Perhaps Rogue too, but I would still go with 'Thief'.
Land of: Crystals and Caverns
Does the 'Caverns' symbolize anything here?

Thanks for reviewing Dilmec before, I've come up with some good motivations for his character since, but I'm still working on this one and I'd love some advice.
I quite like how the theme is consistent, even though it's rather mixed, her hobbies and traits actually come together nicely. I'm not sure if she needs a slightly darker blood colour (although perhaps her near-mutant blood can give her another reason to be insecure about her appearance) and perhaps expand on her character history a bit?

7/10

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Offline 10-01-2017, 12:47 AM (This reply was last modified: 10-01-2017 04:13 AM by pickedPocket.)(Edited by pickedPocket.)
Reply: #374
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(09-30-2017 03:18 AM)Dilmec Wrote:  Strife Specibus
I'm not completely sure, I'm kinda considering something like jewelkind but I'm unsure of how to execute that. Any suggestions?

I thought of something better!
Jewelkind could be one of those cases of object duality; one part being a gemstone of some sort and the other is an Alternian Bedazzler.
That shoots actual gemstones into things, making them fabulously dead. The gemstones are the ammo and different gemstones can have different abilities depending on like what type of stone they are, or where they're from.
Like how sapphires are wisdom stones.... maybe they do something Mind like when used.
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Offline 10-01-2017, 05:33 AM
Reply: #375
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Woah. That's actually a great idea, I think I'll try and use that specibus, thanks, PP!

Also, thanks for the review, I'm planning on making her blood somewhat darker, probably gonna make it closer to Equius's blue, since I based a lot of her stuff around her being a land-dweller.
By the way, the Caverns are sort of a symbol of paranoia; there's often times going to be danger somewhere in the unknown, ready to prey on her, and she's always gonna have something to worry about. However, she takes the risks of exploring caves due to the possible treasures they may hold, since you were wondering.

[Image: unknown.png]
Check out Sburblin, a written fanventure by yours truly!
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Offline 10-12-2017, 06:42 PM
Reply: #376
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Got another fankid: this one's themed around birds a bit and is supposed to give off a sort of exaggerated bravado/thinks-he's-a-hero vibe, but still looks out for the rest of the group

Basic information:
Name: Nick Mavros
Gender: Male
Blood/Typing/Symbol/Shirt Decal Colour: #0d0d0d (Almost black)
Symbol/Shirt Decal: haven't come up with one yet
Age: 16
Guardian: his Yiayia (grandmother), a generally sweet but eccentric old woman who migrated from Greece to Australia in the 1970’s. Loves to dote on her grandson and can be quite overbearing (especially when food is concerned), and Nick is always fretting about her and does his best to keep her out of trouble.
Fetch modus: none set either
Strife Specibus: Pokerkind, uses the old poker from the fire place
Trolltag/Chumhandle: avianSentinel, reflects his love of birds and his watchful, protective nature.
Typing Quirk/Style: Will capitalise, but not always, types very fast so typos are a common occurrence
Story/Background and Personality: Nick’s meteor destroyed part of a nearby shopping complex when it landed, almost taking out his yiayia in the process, who found and adopted him. He’s been raised alongside his adoptive extended family and spent most of his childhood cooking with his yiayia, going to school (unlike most of the other kids) and feeding the pigeons near his house. He received his first message from Nell at age 10 and quickly became friends with the other kids, distancing himself from some of his school friends, which he regrets, but doesn’t really know how to fix. He's a bit of a prick, but stubbornly optimistic, and can be self-centered, sometimes failing to look past his own problems and help his teammates. Nick’s almost convinced he’s destined for greatness in some way, which has inflated his ego a fair bit, and has distanced him a little from his friends, a predicament he hates but doesn’t know how to get out of. He also acts a bit like a papa bird, keeping watch over his friends and family and making sure no one gets hurt. His interests include birdkeeping, politics, cooking and drawing webcomics.


SBURB information:
Title: Thief of Hope
Land: Land of Glass and Spires (LOGAS)
LOGAS can be a bit of an eyesore for some, being a planet made entirely out of glass. While the surface is normally smooth and fairly flat, the Underlings and his Denizen (Abraxas) have smashed large parts of the planet, leaving it riddled with dangerous bits of broken glass. Tall, glittering spires rise out of the landscape, each home to a particularly powerful Underling that guards a treasure that can be used to create a device that will fix the shattered parts of LOGAS. Nick’s quest is to climb each of these spires, defeat the Underling and collect the treasure, eventually leading to a confrontation with Abraxas, who resides in the largest spire on the planet.
Dreamself: Prospit

Ref image:

[Image: SatisfiedAdmirableCaracal-max-1mb.gif]
Faunastuck
thanks starlitEnchantress for the sprite!
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Offline 10-15-2017, 04:08 AM
Reply: #377
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(10-12-2017 06:42 PM)derangedDragonite Wrote:  Got another fankid: this one's themed around birds a bit and is supposed to give off a sort of exaggerated bravado/thinks-he's-a-hero vibe, but still looks out for the rest of the group

Basic information:
Name: Nick Mavros
Has the right amount of letters.
Gender: Male
Blood/Typing/Symbol/Shirt Decal Colour: #0d0d0d (Almost black)
this colour? Seems too close to black, in my eyes.
Symbol/Shirt Decal: haven't come up with one yet
Well, what are his themes? Perhaps they could be based off those? A bird of some kind would probably work fine, given his hobbies.
Age: 16
Guardian: his Yiayia (grandmother), a generally sweet but eccentric old woman who migrated from Greece to Australia in the 1970’s. Loves to dote on her grandson and can be quite overbearing (especially when food is concerned), and Nick is always fretting about her and does his best to keep her out of trouble.
Fair enough.
Fetch modus: none set either
Strife Specibus: Pokerkind, uses the old poker from the fire place
Interesting, I haven't seen this one before.
Trolltag/Chumhandle: avianSentinel, reflects his love of birds and his watchful, protective nature.
Typing Quirk/Style: Will capitalise, but not always, types very fast so typos are a common occurrence
Fair enough.
Story/Background and Personality: Nick’s meteor destroyed part of a nearby shopping complex when it landed, almost taking out his yiayia in the process, who found and adopted him. He’s been raised alongside his adoptive extended family and spent most of his childhood cooking with his yiayia, going to school (unlike most of the other kids) and feeding the pigeons near his house. He received his first message from Nell at age 10 and quickly became friends with the other kids, distancing himself from some of his school friends, which he regrets, but doesn’t really know how to fix. He's a bit of a prick, but stubbornly optimistic, and can be self-centered, sometimes failing to look past his own problems and help his teammates. Nick’s almost convinced he’s destined for greatness in some way, which has inflated his ego a fair bit, and has distanced him a little from his friends, a predicament he hates but doesn’t know how to get out of. He also acts a bit like a papa bird, keeping watch over his friends and family and making sure no one gets hurt. His interests include birdkeeping, politics, cooking and drawing webcomics.
His personality seems good enough, although I think that his hobbies could do with some expansion. What kind of politics, what does he cook?


SBURB information:
Title: Thief of Hope
Land: Land of Glass and Spires (LOGAS)
LOGAS can be a bit of an eyesore for some, being a planet made entirely out of glass. While the surface is normally smooth and fairly flat, the Underlings and his Denizen (Abraxas) have smashed large parts of the planet, leaving it riddled with dangerous bits of broken glass. Tall, glittering spires rise out of the landscape, each home to a particularly powerful Underling that guards a treasure that can be used to create a device that will fix the shattered parts of LOGAS. Nick’s quest is to climb each of these spires, defeat the Underling and collect the treasure, eventually leading to a confrontation with Abraxas, who resides in the largest spire on the planet.
Dreamself: Prospit
Seems fair enough.

Ref image:
They seem alright, I would personally change the colour of his text to something a bit lighter (perhaps a dark-ish brown or kind of russet?) I would also use a bird for the symbol, or just a pair of wings (kind of like hope?). I would also consider thinking a bit more about his hobbies, or perhaps what he doesn't like. He's got kind of an interesting personality, and he would work as an rp character, I think.

6.5/10

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Offline 10-17-2017, 10:30 AM
Reply: #378
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Let's see what nightmare I can make...

Name: Azhaka Ddraig. His first name is a hybrid of the ancient dragon Azi Dahaka from Avestan mythology, while his last name is that of Y Ddraig Goch, the welsh dragon prophesized to be the destroyer of the English.

Gender: Male, although he is mistaken for female with his hair being so long.

Blood/Typing/Symbol/Shirt Decal Colour: #8bdbdb, I would get it brighter, but then he would be jane...

Symbol/Shirt Decal: The Ansuz rune

Horns: straight Y shapes just above his eyes, heading back into an angle.

Age: 6 sweeps old

Lusus/Guardian: the dragon his last name's based off of, Y Ddraig Goch.

Fetch Modus: Ocarina (the captchalogued item will be turned into music notes for ocarina. If they are played correctly, the item is retrieved.)

Strife Specibus: 2xSwordkind. He watched a ton of troll anime as a wriggler, loving one in particular about swords.

Trolltag/Chumhandle: His trolltag is bladedDragoneer, signifying his passion for dragons and swords.

Typing Quirk/Style: yyrites In a eccentric waYy.
w = yy
v = y
y = Yy

Ancestor: Yedrig Ddraig, more known as The Anti-Hero - somebody who was once a hero and caught killing another troll who did nothing of the sort.

Story/Background and Personality: Azhaka isn't really much of a cheery person. In fact, he's a rather distant and off-putting troll, who lives in a mountain. literally. He's also rather stoic, preferring to hide his emotions. As for his background, he was born and raised for three sweeps alone with no lusus. After the third sweep, he came across an abandoned lusus, and took it in his giant mountain cave. Bada bing bada boom, Azhaka. No information otherwise.


SBURB information:
Title: Heir of Space
Land: Land Of Twilight And Sand
LOTAS is one of the most difficult planets to ever be on, mostly due to its dark and hot climate.
Dreamself: Derse
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Offline 10-18-2017, 02:50 AM
Reply: #379
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
(10-17-2017 10:30 AM)XenmusHykrus Wrote:  Let's see what nightmare I can make...

Name: Azhaka Ddraig. His first name is a hybrid of the ancient dragon Azi Dahaka from Avestan mythology, while his last name is that of Y Ddraig Goch, the welsh dragon prophesized to be the destroyer of the English.
Ancient dragons huh? Never seen that used before as a name inspiration, I like it.

Gender: Male, although he is mistaken for female with his hair being so long.

Blood/Typing/Symbol/Shirt Decal Colour: #8bdbdb, I would get it brighter, but then he would be jane...
so this colour, right?
It's way way too light, It's certainly a mutant shade and if he used it on his clothes in public then he would likely get culled for it. A shade something closer to this would work better.

Symbol/Shirt Decal: The Ansuz rune
I had to actually look this up since you gave me no information. The word refers to 'god' and often retains to literary, information and wisdom? Not sure how much I see this coming through with his character.

Horns: straight Y shapes just above his eyes, heading back into an angle.

Age: 6 sweeps old

Lusus/Guardian: the dragon his last name's based off of, Y Ddraig Goch.
Fair enough.

Fetch Modus: Ocarina (the captchalogued item will be turned into music notes for ocarina. If they are played correctly, the item is retrieved.)

Strife Specibus: 2xSwordkind. He watched a ton of troll anime as a wriggler, loving one in particular about swords.
Swords are kind of overused, perhaps you can think of something that ties him into the 'dragon' theme a little closer? My first thought was a 'flamethrower'.

Trolltag/Chumhandle: His trolltag is bladedDragoneer, signifying his passion for dragons and swords.
If you are switching the swords, then perhaps 'bladed' could be changed.

Typing Quirk/Style: yyrites In a eccentric waYy.
w = yy
v = y
y = Yy
I think this is unique enough to work.

Ancestor: Yedrig Ddraig, more known as The Anti-Hero - somebody who was once a hero and caught killing another troll who did nothing of the sort.
The backstory is kind of vague and needs some expanding upon here.

Story/Background and Personality: Azhaka isn't really much of a cheery person. In fact, he's a rather distant and off-putting troll, who lives in a mountain. literally. He's also rather stoic, preferring to hide his emotions. As for his background, he was born and raised for three sweeps alone with no lusus. After the third sweep, he came across an abandoned lusus, and took it in his giant mountain cave. Bada bing bada boom, Azhaka. No information otherwise.
I would like to learn more about his backstory, I haven't really learned all that much about him from reading this.


SBURB information:
Title: Heir of Space
Not sure how this fits him, I think Light or Mind would fit his symbol a little better.
Land: Land Of Twilight And Sand
LOTAS is one of the most difficult planets to ever be on, mostly due to its dark and hot climate.
Dreamself: Derse

This troll seems a little thrown together? They have the dragon theme and I suggest you pay more attention to it. I'm not sure why we need the swords, specifically, but if you can come up with a better reason for them being there, then perhaps keep them, but I'm not sure if you need them for now. They just need quite a bit of development in a lot of areas of their backstory/personality. I would also change their blood colour, so they are no longer a mutant, and therefore safer from well, dying.

5/10

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Offline 10-19-2017, 09:36 AM
Reply: #380
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Might I recommend Axekind as a replacement?
Dragons are a big animal and there are a lot of different weapons you can model after them. In this case Axes = Wings.
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