Post Reply 
 
Freshness Rating:
  • 12 Votes - 4.33 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Offline 04-29-2016, 12:54 AM (This reply was last modified: 04-29-2016 12:55 AM by consolingConstellation.)(Edited by consolingConstellation.)
Reply: #21
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Hey, I just reworked my character and I would like to see how she works as a character. Do your worst, I'd like to know what people honestly thing of her. Also, please try to think of a classpect! I'm rather stuck when it comes to hers.

Thanks!


[Image: 3917539_orig.png]

Usually roleplay as my OCs Canisa Venati and my unnamed rabbit-themed character, as well as a WIP Nepeta.
Find all replies by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Offline 04-29-2016, 01:12 AM (This reply was last modified: 04-29-2016 01:31 AM by Ghostsoul.)(Edited by Ghostsoul.)
Reply: #22
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
So! I created this one a few years ago as a Trollsona, but I reworked her a few days ago to be her own character for fun. Critique away!

Okay!


Hey, I just reworked my character and I would like to see how she works as a character. Do your worst, I'd like to know what people honestly thing of her. Also, please try to think of a classpect! I'm rather stuck when it comes to hers.

Thanks!

Try and think of a classpect I shall!


Find all replies by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Offline 04-29-2016, 06:45 AM
Reply: #23
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Alright Here's One Of My Beforus Trolls, He Only Came Into Existence Like 6 Days Ago H a

Find all replies by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Offline 04-29-2016, 07:27 AM
Reply: #24
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
>Attempt a rather nonsensical olivebloodX2 combo


My fan adventures:

Troll Jailbreak

Trolls but no SGRUB

A kid in some strange world
Find all replies by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Offline 04-29-2016, 08:00 AM (This reply was last modified: 04-29-2016 08:01 AM by Ghostsoul.)(Edited by Ghostsoul.)
Reply: #25
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Alright Here's One Of My Beforus Trolls, He Only Came Into Existence Like 6 Days Ago H a

Okey then!


@Fubar
It's getting late here, I need to go to bed, I also have school tomorrow. So you might not get a reply for about 9 hours. Just wanted to tell you.

Find all replies by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Offline 04-29-2016, 02:28 PM (This reply was last modified: 04-30-2016 01:27 AM by Void.)(Edited by Void.)
Reply: #26
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
I want to see if I still have this character kept interesting, and of course, a little bit of outside insight never hurt anyone.

A word of forewarning: Lacile was created in early days of homestuck Troll OCS (think 2012/2013 Mid 2011, as Beans pointed out to me privately), and so some of her information is weird/obscured. This was pre-dancestor and all that nonsense. She has an ancestor, but is not considered a dancestor herself, so the title may not make full sense.



Name: Lacile Sarrca

GCAT Handle: temptestiveTheosophy
  • tempestive: timely; seasonable
  • theosophy: immediate divine illumination or wisdom

Non-GCAT Handle: hariolateHistoricism
  • hariolate: to divine; to foretell
  • historicism: belief that all phenomena are historically determined

Title: The Chronicrippler; The Tomeseer.

Gender:

Age: Generally, I tend to go with nine, to an upwards of 12 or 13, or even a solid 25.


Blood Caste: #008040

Sign:
[Image: nNTBNDi.png]
This is the Sarrca seal. It's a symbol that's been used in her family for the previous 8 generations.


Lusus: Sir Squeakbeast; a small cheesefiend lusus who often gets themself into trouble; they often ride on Lacile's shoulder to avoid stepped on tails, or ingestion from other lusii or creatures.

Strife Specibus: BookKind. Lacile often totes around the Sarrca Tome; an ancestral heirloom that has the writing of her past ancestors in it. It seems to never run out of pages... And it's quite heavy.

Appearance:
  • Body type: Curvy, wide hips and ample chest. Short, comparatively.
  • Hair: Thick, but silky. Often disheveled and in disarray from long hours working.
  • Generally dresses smartly, in heels that click. Will change into something more practical for battle.


Profession: The 9th Grand Chronicrippler. A historian by trade who often 'finds' ancestral artifacts, and writes historical text on those dearly deceased trolls. Her home is composed of an extensive library and index, so in her down time, she organizes and catalogues items. Her position as the 9th Chronicrippler of the Sarrca line has left her with a hive full of books, a bag full of artifacts, and a fist full of empty. Which is to say, she never got paid for her work.

Plot: Gods, this is a doozy. I'll give a TL;DR version.

Originally, Lacile started as a reclusive history-writer, who got swept up into an adventure and a role that forced her to open up and face her growth as a person, instead of hiding behind books and work.

"... After boarding the Kraken's Fortune, (my) hands were soon scalded after an accident with incredibly... hot... soup. It came to light that a troll had died after a technical malfunction on the ship, to which it had come jerking to a halt. The blueblood tumbled down the stairs to his death. The resulting technical failure locked the lavatory door which I had fled to when the soup had spilled onto my hands, leaving me trapped. Captain LaVeau and her 2nd in command called the crew to the deck of the ship- It seems that I, and the captain's kismesis, Dr. Naghul were left beneath deck. Thankfully, my moirail was present to assist me, despite Dr. Naghul's disdain for my predicament."
"After arriving on deck, Captain LaVeau, the same 2nd in command, the seadweller boatswain, and another seadweller soldier, had descended beneath the waves to survey damage to the ship. The soldier did not make it back; the routers for the ship's main propellers kicked on automatically as the back-up generator fired, and sucked him deep into the propellers, spilling violet blood across the murky depths. Captain LaVeau was covered in it..."
"It seems that the waters we sailed were cursed. One by one, crew members seemed to either perish or turn insane, until one day-- [REDACTED]
"A near sweep later, Captain LaVeau got in touch with me, urging join her on another adventure, and leave Alternia behind, to which I hesitantly obliged... The rebellion simply fell upon us, LaVeau being a catalyst for the entire movement, at the unjust death of a personal friend of mine and my moirail's. Miss LaVeau would not stand for the intolerance shown, and decided to take action, no matter how reckless and absolutely hairbrained her schemes were."

Lacile's adventure still has yet to end.


Personality in a nutshell: This is positively too lon9-winded to express in a spoiler.

Class and Aspect: Lacile is a Seer of Void.

Typing quirk: She replaces her g's with 9's and always capitalizes her C's. She is very lon9 winded and enjoys sharing knowled9e, muCh in the style of the nine ChroniCripplers and the ei9ht that Came before her.

[Image: PML1RdN.gif]
Find all replies by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Offline 04-30-2016, 01:23 AM (This reply was last modified: 04-30-2016 02:04 AM by Ghostsoul.)(Edited by Ghostsoul.)
Reply: #27
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
>Attempt a rather nonsensical olivebloodX2 combo

>Attempt a somewhat nonsensical reviewx3 combo




I want to see if I still have this character kept interesting, and of course, a little bit of outside insight never hurt anyone.

A word of forewarning: Lacile was created in early days of homestuck Troll OCS (think 2012/2013), and so some of her information is weird/obscured. This was pre-dancestor and all that nonsense. She has an ancestor, but is not considered a dancestor herself, so the title may not make full sense.

Noted. Let's begin!


Name: Lacile Sarrca

What does her name mean? Where does it come from?

GCAT Handle: temptestiveTheosophy
  • tempestive: timely; seasonable
  • theosophy: immediate divine illumination or wisdom

Non-GCAT Handle: hariolateHistoricism
  • hariolate: to divine; to foretell
  • historicism: belief that all phenomena are historically determined


I think you picked very good handles, both GCAT and Non-GCAT, although I think the I like the GCAT handle a little more personally.

Title: The Chronicrippler; The Tomeseer.

I'm guessing one is with the '8 letters' name rule and one is not? Both work, however.

Gender:

Age: Generally, I tend to go with nine, to an upwards of 12 or 13, or even a solid 25.


Blood Caste: #008040

Sign:
[Image: nNTBNDi.png]
This is the Sarrca seal. It's a symbol that's been used in her family for the previous 8 generations.


Troll symbols normally have a meaning to them. This is sort of made up for the troll herself? But it does seem to be an important part of her character.

Lusus: Sir Squeakbeast; a small cheesefiend lusus who often gets themself into trouble; they often ride on Lacile's shoulder to avoid stepped on tails, or ingestion from other lusii or creatures.

'Sir Squeakbeast' I love that! In fact this whole Lusus is nice.

Strife Specibus: BookKind. Lacile often totes around the Sarrca Tome; an ancestral heirloom that has the writing of her past ancestors in it. It seems to never run out of pages... And it's quite heavy.

I've seen 'Bookkind' used quite a few times. Shouldn't you want to protect it with such important information in it? Instead of using it as a weapon, which could damage it? Unless, looking at her personality, she's doing it as a sort of rebellion? There is also the question of how 'Bookkind' can really be improved throughout the game.

Appearance:
[color=#FF0000]I really love this art-style! A lot! But she only seems to have her symbol on one of her outfits, and it's kind of small. Should't it be more clear?


  • Body type: Curvy, wide hips and ample chest. Short, comparatively.
  • Hair: Thick, but silky. Often disheveled and in disarray from long hours working.
  • Generally dresses smartly, in heels that click. Will change into something more practical for battle.


Profession: The 9th Grand Chronicrippler. A historian by trade who often 'finds' ancestral artifacts, and writes historical text on those dearly deceased trolls. Her home is composed of an extensive library and index, so in her down time, she organizes and catalogues items. Her position as the 9th Chronicrippler of the Sarrca line has left her with a hive full of books, a bag full of artifacts, and a fist full of empty. Which is to say, she never got paid for her work.

She has an extensive library, can't she use one of her many other books instead of the heirloom? There has to be something still fairly strong and thick that isn't precious.

Plot: Gods, this is a doozy. I'll give a TL;DR version.

Originally, Lacile started as a reclusive history-writer, who got swept up into an adventure and a role that forced her to open up and face her growth as a person, instead of hiding behind books and work.

"... After boarding the Kraken's Fortune, (my) hands were soon scalded after an accident with incredibly... hot... soup. It came to light that a troll had died after a technical malfunction on the ship, to which it had come jerking to a halt. The blueblood tumbled down the stairs to his death. The resulting technical failure locked the lavatory door which I had fled to when the soup had spilled onto my hands, leaving me trapped. Captain LaVeau and her 2nd in command called the crew to the deck of the ship- It seems that I, and the captain's kismesis, Dr. Naghul were left beneath deck. Thankfully, my moirail was present to assist me, despite Dr. Naghul's disdain for my predicament."
"After arriving on deck, Captain LaVeau, the same 2nd in command, the seadweller boatswain, and another seadweller soldier, had descended beneath the waves to survey damage to the ship. The soldier did not make it back; the routers for the ship's main propellers kicked on automatically as the back-up generator fired, and sucked him deep into the propellers, spilling violet blood across the murky depths. Captain LaVeau was covered in it..."
"It seems that the waters we sailed were cursed. One by one, crew members seemed to either perish or turn insane, until one day-- [REDACTED]
"A near sweep later, Captain LaVeau got in touch with me, urging join her on another adventure, and leave Alternia behind, to which I hesitantly obliged... The rebellion simply fell upon us, LaVeau being a catalyst for the entire movement, at the unjust death of a personal friend of mine and my moirail's. Miss LaVeau would not stand for the intolerance shown, and decided to take action, no matter how reckless and absolutely hairbrained her schemes were."

Lacile's adventure still has yet to end.


I very much like this, the writing is good and the plot is fairly intriguing, is this from your own story writing or a paragraph style roleplay or a bit of both?

Personality in a nutshell: This is positively too lon9-winded to express in a spoiler.

Her powers are interesting, being only able to see the deceased of those closest to you brings creates potential for some good plots. Her personality overall is unique and developed. No cliches to be seen here!

Class and Aspect: Lacile is a Seer of Void.

Seer of Time could also work.

Typing quirk: She replaces her g's with 9's and always capitalizes her C's. She is very lon9 winded and enjoys sharing knowled9e, muCh in the style of the nine ChroniCripplers and the ei9ht that Came before her.

The quirk is okay, and it fits her. I can't help but feel it's a little dull. Perhaps there is a little more to the way she speaks?

The character has a lot of inspired traits and a great backstory. I'm not sure how feel about the whole 'blood colour and destiny thing' it's inventive but I'm not sure how much I like it.
Her clothing also seems a little out of place, perhaps it's just because of the lack of her symbol.
Her Lusus and trolltag are also really excellent, I like the names you chose generally (although I would like a bit more of an explanation).
She seems like a good character to use in pretty much any kind of roleplay situation.

9.1/10


Find all replies by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Offline 04-30-2016, 09:29 PM
Reply: #28
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
I'd need some help with my OC:

He's based on the goddess / meteorite Vesta, the guardian of the holy fire and the goddess of hearth and home. (So basically a chef)

Basic Information:
General appearance and personality:

Plot:

[Image: je2Qm8D.gif]

THANKS VOID
Find all replies by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Offline 04-30-2016, 11:30 PM (This reply was last modified: 04-30-2016 11:34 PM by Void.)(Edited by Void.)
Reply: #29
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!


I chose Lacile because it's similar to 'Lucile' and I've always liked that name.. Sarrca, because it reminds me of a sarcophagus.

The symbol is... The C for ChronicCripplers, and it also sort of looks like a monocle, I always thought Topquill would wear a monocle just to irritate Lacile; but upon further thought, I think when Lacile becomes the Chronicrippler Tomeseer, (aka Topquill's 'ancestor', SHE might be the one to wear the monocle.

The tome is impervious to Lacile's attempts at destroying it, so it makes a better weapon choice than the delicate books of ancient paper and ancestral writings she robs from other tombs. That, and I can make a bunch of dumb puns about history wanting revenge.

Lacile's pirate garb might seem out of place, but beneath that jade corset, she wears her late matesprit's blouse. It came down to 'RuCaro, I swear to 9od if this sea water ruins my suit, I'll see you Culled myself.' So he gave her a blouse to wear. She originally wore a pair of high-waisted shorts with the blouse, but since high-waisted shorts have come out of style (and are incredibly hard to sprite well). The corset and skirts are actually from her own closet, and she is (or rather, was) more likely to wear them pre-pirate days. She can be quite a melancholic character (and a bit of a drama queen) when it comes to her late matesprit, often honoring him in very silly ways (which often sometimes impede her from doing her job).

Again, this troll was conceived before the idea of 'dancestors', and the Jade caste was conductive to what I wanted to do. I also think it might've been naive young me going 'My zodiac troll is Kanaya...' but I feel like it fits her way too well to change now.

But yes. The destiny thing was meant to hammer onto something similar to do with the brooding caverns, but I dropped it and just went with 'historian/grave robber who has a martyr complex'. I understand I only mentioned the 'grave robbing' thing briefly, but I like to have people guess how she gains all of her artifacts. This was a pre-dances tor concept, which needs to be retrofitted... but I feel like it's also a large part of her character as a whole and I'm not sure if I'm willing at this point to pull that away.

(Also, she's a 'Seer of Void' because she sees others secrets and histories, again, pre-void aspect being shown. Her ancestor, 'Topquill' is a Prince of Time, she would normally be a time player, but Lacile is an anomaly in the near-male exclusive Sarrca line.)

[Image: PML1RdN.gif]
x1(list)
Find all replies by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Offline 05-01-2016, 01:30 AM (This reply was last modified: 05-01-2016 02:24 AM by Sage.)(Edited by Sage.)
Reply: #30
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
I'm not one to keep constant ideas with OCs, they keep changing and shit. However i think i might as well try to keep a solid structure with one of them, starting with Hyelix. i hop this is a good

Find all replies by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Board jump:


User(s) browsing this memo: 1 Guest(s)