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Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Offline 06-15-2018, 12:49 AM
Reply: #411
RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread!
Since I'm hovering around the site again and this is a new post, I might as well give it a look over.

(06-09-2018 01:11 AM)kakorrhaphiophobiaticVacivity Wrote:  This one is still a work in progress, so not everything is fully decided yet. She is not from an AU, but she also hasn't interacted with any Canon characters before.
Fair enough, I'll look at it based on what you give me then.

Name: Lunesc Chemil, the first name is derived from lunar and the last from chemicals, Pronounced Luness Kemil
It's rather simplistic but I can see it possibly working depending on what theme you are going for.

Gender: Female

Blood Color: I'm trying to decide between Jade and Cerulean, but I'm leaning toward Cerulean

Hive: A sort of large building, is a laboratory with rooms for many different experiments
I feel as if this would be more fitting for a Cerulean blood? Observing from Hiveswap Friendsim the Cerulean blood colour tends to have more open social roles than Jade.

Lusus: Very Shrew-Like, Burrows around outside finding plants and other lusii to feed her, Very Over-Protective
So they're a shrew then?

Captchalogue Modus: Chemical, Items are given their own chemical formula which she has to make to retrieve them
I like the idea but do you think you could explain this better?

Interests/Behaviors: Likes to do some Chemistry as a hobby, dabbles in astrology, not quite a fan of botany, builds weapons as a business occasionally when she's low on supplies, In her spare time she goes "Hunting" for some living test subjects
That's an interesting selection of hobbies, but perhaps you could give an explanation behind why they chose to have these hobbies?

Personality: Generally acts nice and sweet to her friends via online chat, has a sort of smug attitude
You could do with expanding this a lot more, it doesn't give very many motivations for your character, or ambitions or fears. I suggest that in order to give the character more backbone and more development.

Horns: One is short and straight, while the other is long and loops around the short one forming an arch to carry beakers and more on hooks or hook on to other things causing her to often get stuck
The hook often gets stuck on things? That's pretty good attention to detail.

I feel like this character has some potential if you develop them more. They also have quite a few things missing, such as: Strife specibus, God Tier, trolltag, Fetch modus etc. I think if you think through their theme (which appears to be science or chemistry) a bit more and return then I'll have more to say. For now they appear a bit of a 'skeleton' rather than a fully fleshed out character.

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RE: Fan Troll/Kid/Cherub Critic thread! - Ghostsoul - 06-15-2018 12:49 AM

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