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RS: AB, I was referring to the new chassis you got. I had no idea if you were actually loaded into it or if you weren't present on that system.

RS: And of course, if you weren't loaded into the new body, you might not have known what cool shit the new body had, even if you SAW the body without inhabiting it.

RS: JR doesn't load robots up with visible turrets and guns and shit, that stuff pops out on use. Less War Machine, more Iron Man. So it's conceivable that you might not have known on sight that, yes, your sweet new body has a rifle that fires tiny swords or something.

RS: Excaliber? BladeK-47? Whatever.

RS: Basically, asking JR had a 100% chance of getting an answer, whereas asking you, AB, was some percentage that had a ton of numbers after the decimal point and also was less than 100.

RS: So logically I ask JR.

RS: Why do I have to tell you this? You're a machine, you're fucking MADE of logic.

RS: Anyways, these memories of killer robots and ships are getting out of hand. Gonna have to switch to physically fighting evil robots instead of verbally sparring with a good one.


NATE accesses his STRIFE SPECIBUS, POLEARMKIND. Ah, yes. STAVES, HALBERDS, PIKES, and those ADDITIONAL PYLONS you've been needing. As you'll soon see, he's discovered a few creative ways to use them.

He equips his current favorite, a staff known as "404", and begins launching volley after volley of black needlelike projectiles. Several smaller robots die after only a few hits, while larger ones take a few seconds of sustained fire before exploding. On occasion a long tendril formed from gossamery threads of inky blackness shoots from the staff, causing anything caught by it to explode into a sinister blue blaze.

With all of this firepower, one would expect him to be indestructible. Hahaha. Nope. Nate is constantly moving at the merest hint of danger. Vitality was his dump stat.

NATE is the squishy mage, basically. So, so, so
squishy.
AB: Like hell.
AB: Fucking fine, I'll believe your obvious lies.
AB: I̷̵͍͕͓͐̓ͯ̇ͦ̍͜͟͞ wi̴̴̷̢͍̝̾ͨͨ͠͞l̡̯̹̙̰͊̀̀͘͢l̴̶̶̟̀ͮ̓ͣͦ͗̒́͟͞ e͚v̵̭̯̍ͫ͘͜͡͝e͓̱͒n̸̶͍̠̰̹̫̱̂͢͝ͅͅ be̩̳ g̬̯͇̾̃ͧͣȑ̶͔͓́̔ͩ͒̊͘a̼ͨ͜ç̵̨̹̣̩̬̍̓̑̋̃͛͘îͤŏ͍͍͂̈͐̇͏҉̡͔̔͋̂ų̻̗̱͎͇͇͂̍͘̕͞s̵̹̲̀͛ a͙̪̱̔̎̕s̵̗ͤ̿ f͞u̶̷̝͉͕c̬͞͏k̭ͥ̎͏̵̖̝͉̽̆̌̓͌̈́͞ a̝̖͔͆̌ͫ͑́ͮ̊҉n̬͚̏͝d ǹ̶̨̜̭̘̗̩͔͝ͅõ̳̻ͤ̄ͦ̒̽́̔͝t͇̮̑͆͑͛͘ e̴̝͕̔͢͢҉̛̃͘v̡̧̜̙̺̟̯̎̽͊̃͛̕͠eṇ̻̩̘͛ p̧̱̻̈́̂͟͢ơ̷̼̋̒͋͜i̧̘̾̔n̨ͬt̨̢͕͉҉͆ ö̻́ͪ́͠͡͝u͇̓̃̆͢t̵̜̹̠ͧͯ̅͑͗ t̢ͬͨͦh̦ͪ͐̕a̷̺ͧ̃ͧ̕t̫ aŝ͈̠ͮ͘ǩ̷̜͈̘̭̾̂̈́͜͡͞ing̵̔̐̎̚ Jͤ͋R̛ w̱̙̬h̵͚̹ȧt m̷̶̯͔͇̄ͨ͂̚͢ÿ̛̛̗̟̼̬̖̟̼̀̾̈́͟͝ o̶̬̻̅̊̐ͦ҉̠̍͢t̖͙͎ͦ̏ͩ̓ͨ̒͝͏h͙̤̯́́͐̂͞e̵͍̱̤̫ͯ̐̊͟͠ͅr̸̵̛͔͈̣̣̈ͯ̋ͮ͝͠ b̸ͯ͆͒̕ő͡d̛͑ͨ̋̌̓͟y̒ I͏̶Ń̸ͅ͏̶̧̛͚̑ͧ̓͆̓̚ Ą̴̝̰͈͈̀ͦ̊͟N̵̴̶̷͚͕̣̰̒͐ͣ̾̅ͬ͘ E̸ͨ̓͌̉ͦ͡N͓̫̯͆̓ͧ̌͠Ț̴̶̨̛͉͉̱̹͒ͮͭ̀̌͡I̶̛̟͎̓͊̎ͬ͢͡R̛̠ͯ͏̨̽̓҉̪͕͕͒̆͡E͈̬͂͘͜͟͝L̛̪͓̥̀̊͋͟͝Ý̊​̖ D̫̪̫ͨIF͈F̪E͛͞Ŗ̴̴̷̩̟̰EN̸̯͔͇̈̉҉̨̦̹̻̗̔͝T́̒̚͞҉͝ S̅E̘̜̺̔ͪ͆̀͐̂͠͡S̵̛̱̀͗͟Š̴̸͜I̥̲̲͜ON̙̥ ha͉ͧ̐s̡̧̛̜̟͚̫̮̅́͘͠͝ ę̸̙̹͖̓̓̓ͩ̀̓ͣ̕͠͠q͈҉͢҉̴̎ͤ͡u̡̢̳̹͙͔ͨ́̕͘̕͞͠í̶̴̧̡͈̝ͮ͐ͥ̚͠҉̟p̟̐҉p̱̳̂҉̴̼͕̊̾̍͠e͌̀ͫ͂ͭͤd́͝​̵̪ͤ҉̨̡̣͛̔̇ h̼͔̋̚ȧ̧̧̫͈̘͕̯̉̈́̿̂̕͞s̷̱̿̏͗҉̶̧̖̑͡͏ ḁ̛̩̲ͬͯͦ̈̂͝͞͏̳̓̀b̻͙̣̪ͥ̀ͭ͘̚s̷̪̟͎̤̼̀̑̕ơ̴̴̴͎̬̼͕͚̑ͩ͂͊l̵̛͚͙͔̭̗͆ͭͩ͝ǘ̴̡͖̻͙̓t̔e҉̧͓̟̝̌̚​͌́l̯̫ͧ͢͏y̨͏̶̸̺̮͊͑̕҉ n̸̫̮̙ͦͮ͊ͣ̌̂̕͘̚͠o҉͡҉̹̫͎ͯ͊̚͜ bĕ̛̝́ä̟̜̉̑̅̊̈́͌ŕ̵̢͈̯̖̆̍̆̓̑̓̉͢ĭ̷͍̜̞͒ͦ̚ņ̢̢ͬ̈ͤ̊ͥ͢͞g̸͖̦̫̀̕͘ ơ̗͈̫ͥ̅͒͌ň͉͉́͟ w̸̸̖̥̟͂͊ͩ́͑͢ͅͅh͠a̴̶̸̴͎͒̊̉͠͝ţ̛̖̲͇̞̱ͬ͆́̄ͪ͞ I͔͈̊̽͝͏̴̩͓̗̰ͤ͝ h̵͎̾ͧa̵̬̲͢v̺ͮͨ͐̈́͐̀ͣ҉̖̼e͕̤͜ r̴̡͎̱͙ͬ̑̓ͣ̈͞i̵͓͖̟̩͚̞̅g̙ͬ̀͝h͍̖̰̺ͯ̓́̆ͦ͏̉̄ṫ̵̢͔̯̝̳̖͓̹̦̀ ņ̧̦̟̜̯͌͊ͦ̏͆͂o̸̜̎̊̄̍́̑͋͟ẅ̷̢̝͖̫̖̱́͋̓,̵͓̫̹͇̮͗̑ͬ̿̕̕ ǫ̷̴̵̶̟ͭ͊̎̑̕͢ņ̨̢̼̘̫͕̝͎̄̀ m̝̆̓͟͡y̶͓̬͋̃ p̮͈͍͙̀̈́ͣȩ̭̖̩̔́̄̀̂́͠͝͡r̴͖̣̤̰͞s̶̸͉̜̻̰ͭ̾ͤ͐̓͞ͅó̵̢̧̧̬ͣ̊̉̇҉͔̌ͥn̸̨̓̔̏ͭ̀̃͐ͥ̚͟͝.̸̨̛̩̮̗"
AB: Because I am willing to agree that there are other priorities right now.

As a rad as fuck robot, the AuthorBot has been fighting the various enemy threats while also spamming the memo with glitchy bullshit. While she might not have the dope ass upgrades her new chasis is equipped with, she makes a fair showing. Her strategy tends to be around distracting enemies to allow other Players to line up perfect shots, encouraging enemies to do friendly fire, or exposing enemy weakpoints for massive damage. That kinda shit.

Meanwhile, AuthorBotJunior is zipping around the battlefield accomplishing exactly jack and shit, shouting "Interesting!!!" every time something explodes.
((The Offical Spreadsheet has been updated! I don't know what happened with the last link, but you all should be able to edit it if there's anything you want to change or add.))

TT: Hey TG, welcome to the clusterfuck.
TT: I'm going to go against what Nate said and guess that you're Rose Strider.
TT: Because everyone's a fucking Strider, aren't they?
TT: We've got at least ten different Strider in this memo.
TT: It's a fucking surplus of Striders in here.
TT: Buy one get one free while supplies last, which will be forever because there are literally infinite Striders.
TT: Welcome to the clearance sale, add yourself to The Offical Spreadsheet if you feel like staying.
TT: I'm kind of busy here, so I'm going to leave you in the capable hands of my robotic friend here.

TT: Hey.
TT: Go crazy.

Roxy leads Dirk and the others into the house she came out of and opens a hidden trapdoor on the floor. She lifts the hatch to reveal a staircase leading down into another memory. When she hears the fighting from outside, she hisses in frustration and steps back out of the house.

DIRK: Rox?
ROXY: justa sec
ROXY: get over here u idiots!!
ROXY: u cant fight her, shes got all kinds of shit goin on
ROXY: plus shes p much invincible
ROXY: ur just drawin her attenshion!!

DIRK: What do you mean she's invincible?
ROXY: i meeean shes LITERALLAY unkillable
ROXY: its kinda complicatsed
ROXY: just get down here ya morons
ROXY: and hurryyy!
ROXY: the only reason she hasnt found this place yet is cause i keep movin it around
ROXY: but i cant move it unless everyons in!

DIRK: Please tell me those ships aren't the memories of a particular distributor of baked confectioneries.
ROXY: thos ships arent the memory of a particular distributior of baked confectionaries
ROXY: at least, not the one from either of our timelines
ROXY: where shes from almost everyones a different spescies
ROXY: its realy really cool dirk
ROXY: lmao other other u is a cerrub
ROXY: *cherub
ROXY: his alt is AR and they fight all the time, it's hallarios
ROXY: ur bros a cherub 2, hes dave an his alt is orange dude called davesprite
ROXY: hes a p chill guy, yiud like him
ROXY: ooh! jake and jade are these weird guys called leprechauns and their skin is soooo sooooft
ROXY: janey and her popop r trolls, an so is Cali!!!
ROXY: her bro was a troll too, im p sure
ROXY: she doesn really like to talk about him much tho so idk
ROXY: the Batterwitch is a troll 2, cause some of us stayed the same spices?
ROXY: *species
ROXY: i mean, i totes got the lame end of the stick, me and my teen mom were both human
ROXY: but other mes ghost died savin her friends from her imperious fish bitch

DIRK: How do you even know all of this?
ROXY: i know all a this cause theyre here!!
ROXY: weve all been chillin in the bubbles and ive been helpin em hide from the Batterwitch
ROXY: cause shes got all these crazy powers now, and she can make ghosts double die

ROXY: What do you mean?
DIRK: I thought only Lord English can kill ghosts.

ROXY: wellll yea? but she kinda took it from him
ROXY: ya see, when the players from that sesh weakened Lord Douche in the final battle, she swooped in and snatched his troll powers

DIRK: How is that even possible?
ROXY: he was a troll, ya know? and she takes troll paowers
ROXY: its kinda her thing
ROXY: so nao shes basically unkillable and she can double kill ghosts to death twofold

DIRK: Well shit.
ROXY: exactly
ROXY: exactly why your FRIENS REALLY NEED TO QUIT FIGHTIN DANGER BOTS AND GET DOWN HERE!!


(("No I don't think this RP is getting out of hand, why do you ask?" I say as I write the in-depth adventures of a dead character who's briefly mentioned in one panel of Homestuck.))
Nate has been doing an EXCELLENT job of taking down bots. You cannot beat Nate in a bot-killing contest. He is simply the best there is- though when he first tried killing a robot boss on his planet, his attempt consisted of yelling "The following statement is true, the previous statement is false", then hoping it exploded.

It worked as well as you would have expected.

By now though, he's an old pro at it. It paid off to prototype his precious COMPUTER, despite the fact that it was entirely by accident. He had others, of course, since any reasonable person has no less than five computers on their person at a time. All of the enemies were totally robotic and really fucking menacing at first, though.

At the mention of another Ghost Killer, Nate pauses, hurling two staves diagonally in front of him, activating his GHOST IN THE MACHINE ability by causing the game to ignore his code. He needed to talk about this.

//RS: What the hell??? I thought KILLING ghosts was a thing only alpha, end of the line English could do!

//RS: It's solely his thing. Only way to get that is by winning a Dead Session, and that would mean the end of the spirograph chain anyways.

//RS: So there couldn't be...

//RS: Honestly, I have no idea how any of this would fit into any preconceived notions of the spirograph incest loop, English's origin at the end of all things, and short of that version of English being the remnant of a retconned timeline that no longer exists...

//RS: It seems impossible to me. Unless...

//RS: Was THAT English supposed to be formed at the end of the failed loop, but was retconned away because of the Waste's influence causing the debug item to become necessary?

//RS: Regardless, something about that fish lady seems suspicious. My guess is she simply has enough power to disperse or steal the essence of a ghost instead of utterly destroy it. She IS a Life player, after all.

//RS: I've seen it happen a ton. A Prince of Life or Doom damages the essence of a ghost to drain that sweet, sweet power, and the poor dead guy goes into a thousand-year coma.

//RS: Really, I'm skeptical that there could be two separate instances of LE that got ultimate power, since the whole "Dead Session ends the chain" thing is in play.

//RS: Maybe retcon shenanigans again? Bluh.
Malis, Cyris, Hal, and Gama rush over to the hatch, jumping in one at a time. Unfortunately Bio was unconscious due to the GIANT FUCKING LAZER BEAM that obliterated him earlier. It's too late for him as some drones drag him off back towards the ships.
I guess he'll be okay in the HIC's prison, hopefully?
DIRK: There's infinite ghosts, infinite Lord Englishes to kill those infinite ghosts, and infinite chains containing infinite sessions for Lord English to kill infinite ghosts in.
DIRK: There are chains upon chains of incestuous spirographs, you really think ours is the only one?
DIRK: There is literally no end to the bullshit ghost genocide.
DIRK: It just keeps happening, ad infinitum.

ROXY: move ur butt you butt!!
ROXY: unless u wanna end up liek green guy over there
ROXY: ive been in the inside before
ROXY: the batterwitch's prison is... not actshually that bad
ROXY: but still!! leggo!!
PP: Snoooooooooooore!
PP: Kilius hates those mythological titles!
PP: They never make any sense and just become some puerile bulge-measuring contest!
PP: Even more of a problem, THEY'RE DANGEROUS!
PP: We had a..!
PP: Bard of... Space!?
PP: The foolish milk-drinker quite literally fucked a hole in our session!
PP: And then everything just fell into it!
PP: So now Kilius is in a whole lot of not-Space, and somehow has EXCELLENT Wifi!
PP: Kilius' only solace is that he'll drift into any of you somewhere!
PP: Help out the Prince or whatever..!
PP: ..!
(Hee to "Ghost in the Machine" mode letting you speak in comments, @RS)

The AuthorBot and AuthorBotJunior quickly abscond from the strife and vanish into the trap door.
((JR, and the best part is the way he activated it. Two staves hurled parallel into the ground diagonally. //))

NATE decides that perhaps now would be a good time to ABSCOND as well. He COULD try doing a fraymotif with Dirk to create shadow clones of himself to Zerg rush or distract the bots, or maybe one with Cali to dissipate them across the Furthest Ring via quantum tunneling, or any number of things.

But this is Nate we're talking about. He's only gonna put up with so much shit before getting bored of it.

Meanwhile, this theory crafter is coming up with an explanation that would take everything into account, especially three concepts.

1. The cherub English is the important one. He's connected to the creation of the Green Sun, the end of it, has existed in every universe he's seen, and his session was the end of the loop, where the Ultimate Reward was infinite power and unconditional immortality, not a new universe.

B. The Plot Hole can retcon shit. Other Lord Englishes existed, but failed to close their loops, so the Hole probably made them close through gratuitous amounts of handwavey bullshit. Essentially wiping them away so the real non-paradoxical deal could show up and do the things to ensure his own existence and be ALREADY THERE. Taking all paths and choosing the one that succeeds. Quantum dead kid computer.

III: The reason that none of these things make sense might just be that the Void is eroding Time, eating away at the very concept of continuity, alpha timelines, histories... Paradox Space might be failing to account for paradoxes altogether. There shouldn't LOGICALLY be a way for more than one non-doomed Lord English to exist- that would need multiple alpha timeline Dead Sessions, and those are termini.

But what if...

What if Paradox Space's internal logic, twisted as it is, is finally breaking?


The thought makes him shudder.
TG: he he ur typing quirk amuses me @PP
TG: but we literally got fish to fry so brb

Cali was actually already being pulled by Dirk Egbert into safety while she was reading through the memo, she was then pushed into wherever hiding place Roxy and Dirk Strider is currently.

DIRK: Well, she's all yours, I'm going off to get to the bottom of this illogical bullshit that's currently going on. See you later, then.
CALI: wait ur not-

And Egbert already ran off.

CALI: really godtiered...
CALI: crap, wth is going on? he's not gonna double die out there is he?


Cali looks at Dirk Strider and Roxy questioningly.

And she has a point, most of their team doesn't have any fancy godtier superpowers, and the only ones that have are Seers.

Not really useful combat-wise.

Alex and Cernun were expertly dodging attacks from the drones, Seer-abilities baby! Cernun looked at the ship before stumbling on to Nate as they plunge their 2xSpearkind through the drone's chest.

CERNUN: Care to explainn w=at'ss actually goingg on...?

Somehow while this is happening, Alex is managing to hack through some drones with her Spoonkind... How the fuck that works is beyond me.

Thankfully though, Dirk Egbert have some pretty nice strife specibi coming from his doomed timeline, like that bigass Swordkind type Pen of his, which squirts out ink as much as it hacks drones into pieces.
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