Full Version: Dirk's null session support group
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((Weba AE, and thanks for the wonderful rating! Just going to warn you, I'm going to be less responsive than usual for the next few days while I finish finals, but once I hit summer break I'll be back in full swing!))

TT: Oh shit, it's that troll guy from when I first put the memo up.
TT: God damn dude, you were gone for so long that I didn't even add you to The Official Spreadsheet.
TT: Guess it's time to update that piece of shit again.

TT: Lil Hal Junior, just because your external vocal speaker system is stuck at full blast doesn't mean you need to type in all caps.
TT: Okay.
TT: Much better.
TT: So PP, you want a recap?
TT: Jesus, where do I even start to with all the bullshit that's gone down?

TT: Hmm.
TT: I guess you weren't here for most of it, so I'll just start from the beginning.
TT: After trying to figure out what went down in my session for a while I realised that was a dead end and went to sleep on LOPAN.
TT: From there I found the dead members of my session through dream bubbles and had a hella touching reunion with Jane and Jake. Also found out my universe's John and Roxy were still alive.
TT: Then Jake, Jane, and I met up with Roxy Harley and co. from universe UA4 and Dirk Egbert and friends from UA2.
TT: We've got that shit down to a science. One of the needlessly fucking complicated ones though, like astrology or particle physics.
TT: We made a list of all the bad guys in each of our sessions and tried to find some multi-universal way to beat them.
TT: Then a whole bunch of other people showed up and started spilling their backstories all over the place.
TT: Everyone was tripping all over the place trying to help everyone else out, and meanwhile I'm just trying to maintain this sick nasty spreadsheet to keep track of all the different universes.
TT: Then Nate from UC6 and the gang from UD7 joined the meet up, and we figured a few things out from the game's coding.
TT: The Gama, one of the First Guardians who came in from UD7, set off an accidental EMP in an attempt to locate the dead Roxy from my sessions alpha timeline.
TT: While our tech was rebooting Alex, Cernun, and Nate, teamed up in a seer x3 combo to pin down Roxy's location.
TT: Everyone's tech was back online except mine by that point, and it turns out that's because Lil Shit Junior here was locking me out.

TT: Yes.
TT: He was activated when I restarted the system and thought I was an intruder.
TT: AuthorBot from UC6 tried talking to him, but he was scared and started flipping the fuck out.

TT: Hmm.
TT: You absolutely were, and don't try to deny it.
TT: He managed to infect Gama, so then we had a corrupted First Guardian firing lasers at us.
TT: Then AuthorBot and AuthorBotJunior decided to show right the fuck up because of her massive autoResponder robo-crush.
TT: In the middle of all this Jade Lalonde and Karkat from UA5 arrived at the meet-up.
TT: Nate and I managed to void the fuck out of Gama and destroyed any trace of myself, and by extension Junior, from her code.
TT: AB, ABJ, and I got Junior the fuck out of my shades and transferred him to a dream Android body which he has been enjoying very much.

TT: Yes.
TT: After that whole fucking debacle myself and everyone present from universes UA2, UC6, and UD7 took off to find dead ex-Alpha Roxy.
TT: On our way through the blackest depths of the void we ran into what was left of the ghost army that fought Lord English and stopped to have a nice little chat.
TT: Now we've just arrived in the dream bubble where Roxy is supposed to be, and as I typed this we're going up and down the streets searching for her.
TT: There, did I cover everything?

TT: Yes.
TT: Good, because I think I might be able to hear footsteps over the sound of Junior destroying my eardrums.
TT: Oh wait, that's right.

TT: Hmm.
TT: I forgot to mention, Junior turned his volume up all the way to attract Roxy's attention, and now he can't turn it back down.
TT: So that is a thing that is most definitely happening, and will not stop happening any time soon.

TT: Yes.
TT: So to answer your question, no, there hasn't been a lot of time for boundless optimism.
TT: Haven't really been able to fit it into my schedule recently, but thanks for the suggestion.
TT: Now I have to go, because I've got an android to repair and a dead dream girl to question.

TT: Yes.
Dirk Egbert and the others finally caught up to Dirk Strider's crew, only be be greeted by that nasty eardrum destroying noise they were just starting to release.

Dirk and Cali tried to cover their eardrums, Cernun however isn't favoring nicely since their senses are pretty heightened compared to the others. Alex however responded to the memo.

(is anyone in particular gonna play roxy when we find her??? Or will we keep being all "nope, havne't found her yet' in the hope somebody else plays her).

JR: Huh. For once I'm not wishing I could physically be there with you all. I like my eardrums to stay intact, thank you very much.

JR: @OrangeDirk, your recap totally missed all the that asshole Waste of Spaces shenanigans, causing your session to be remixed in so many weird ways. Like, OrangeDirk has a different last name than BlueDirk and apparently slightly different personalities??? And the Waste of Space apparently caused at least one baddie (maybe THE baddie), Lord English. And Wastes are players from older/newer versions of the game that fuck with SBURB's code. (I'm a Waste, too).

JR: And...all of reality is apparently being lost to Void??? Or some shit? RS has a better way of explaining it. Either way, shit seems to be irrevocably real, which is ironic as fuck since this is all going down in dream bubbles of questionable reality.
PP: Kilius does not know what this 'Metallica' is, but it sounds really dissapointing!
PP: Well Dirk human, it would seem you have started an epic tale of your own, woven like fine silk to form Kilius' combat trunks!
PP: Now before we go on any further, Kilius must insist we name this epic journey as per the ancient traditions!
PP: Hmmmm!
PP: Kilius shall christen this epic tale as..!
PP: The Dirkiad!
PP: No, that sounds too much like 'dork'..!
PP: 'The Diliad'?!
PP: Rah! Kilius will come up with a title later!
PP: In the meantime, Kilius shall happily get to bashing butts with you!
PP: With an ancestor such as The Heroic, there is no way having Kilius on your team would be anything but a bad choice!
PP: And that's the bottom line because Kilius said so!
MALIS: DIRK TURN THAT FUCKING SHIT OFF! ahHHHHH- *inaubible deaf noises*
CYRIS: It seems they're still a bit deaf.
BIO: Being deaf with Cernun* OW, OW, OW M¥ £AR.
RS: Yeah, I think the recap missed the frog incest too.

RS: How does this sound as a title: the OH MY FUCKING GODdysey?

RS: Since it takes place after the big battle and all.

RS: I think I see something moving. One sec.

NATE: Yo, who is it? Lalonde? That you?
PP: A worthy effort, befitting of a fatherly pat on the head whilst making clear the pride one has in their son!
PP: 'Good job sport'!
PP: But no, the ancient tales are named after their lead character!
PP: It is only right that it be Dirk who receives this honour!
PP: Especially seeing that Kilius missed the opportunity to establish that himself!
TT: How about the Dirkthiopis.
TT: It's got the Homer vibe you're going for.

Meanwhile, in the dream bubble.

DIRK: Oh quit complaining bro.
DIRK: We're in a dream bubble, you can just dream yourself up some magic noise canceling earplugs.

DIRK: Jesus, you are so fucking loud.
DIRK: I need to get myself some magic earplugs.

DIRK: Not all of us can turn our ears off.
ROXY: dirk?

emerges from one of the grey, carapace-style houses. The whirls of neon light in the sky are reflected in her white wide eyes. She stands stock still and stares slack jawed at the group of people who've just arrived. In a blur she dashes over and hugs Dirk

ROXY: dirj durk dork dirk!!!
DIRK: Oh shit, Rox.
ROXY: oh my gosh Dirky r u dead?
ROXY: what did i just say to u?
ROXY: i said donut die u donut!!

DIRK: Woah, hold your horses.
DIRK: Reign those free spirited stallions right the fuck in.
DIRK: Back to the corral with you.

ROXY: hehehe
ROXY: aw drik... i mussed you
ROXY: *missed
ROXY: not enough that you shuldve went and DIED tho!

DIRK: First, I'm not dead, just dreaming.
ROXY: oh thank gog
DIRK: Second, I'm not who you think I am.
ROXY: wuddu mean?
DIRK: I'm not your Dirk. I'm from a different timeline.
ROXY: oh what!? whore u then?
ROXY: *who're

DIRK: I'm from a timeline where you and John don't die, and they eventually go on to enter your session.
ROXY: omg for reals??
ROXY: for really really reals???

DIRK: Yep, for really really reals.
ROXY: aright, coolio
ROXY: its nice to meet u dirk 2.0
ROXY: im rally glad both my dirky-dirks are good an alive
ROXY: who r al these livey lookin folks then?
ROXY: les see... we got mini-dirk red edition
ROXY: ur clearly jake n dirks luv child, blue edition
ROXY: um, my mom? but somethins off, i dunno what
ROXY: and nerdy lookin vpidey dude?
ROXY: *voidy
ROXY: yo void players RERESENT!
ROXY: then we got robo and chibi robo
ROXY: (o mgosh adorbs!)
ROXY: a buncha green dudes...
ROXY: man, theres a whole lotta ya
ROXY: so whatter u all here for?

ROXY: NO WAIT. i got this shiznit all figured out.
ROXY: i bet ur lookin for somethin... and ive gotta be like the riddle maker here, right?
ROXY: ooh! u should all go back, i wanna redo my entrance and make it mor spooky and mysteruous
ROXY: i can totally use my void stuff to turn invisible make a super sweet entrance!

DIRK: Roxy please.
ROXY: srry, im just suuuuper excited to see other peeps again!
DIRK: It's alright, I'm super everyone else would love to meet you.
ROXY: yea?
ROXY: and who r u lil dude?

DIRK: He's Lil Hal Junior. You remember him, right?
ROXY: uh, yeah?! even liler halys the shit!
DIRK: Oh, that's a new one.
ROXY: hes learnin new words? omg thats so cute!
DIRK: Yeah, it's a long story, but I'm sure we can find the time to tell it.
NATE: Nerdy looking voidy dude is pretty much the most accurate way a person could sum me up, yeah.

NATE: And no, there's no need to make your entrance dramatic and shrouded in void. We had a hell of a time finding you to begin with. Three fucking Seers.

NATE: And considering how much effort was put into finding you, it's not even a point of contention that you're an answer to some bullshit riddle.

NATE: Basically the question is, WTF is going on. Cause shit is breaking apart over there, branching and splitting over here, and looping until a demon is summoned at all points in time and space.

NATE: We were kinda hoping you could shed some light on things, despite the fact that Light is diametrically opposed to your aspect. Cause you and John engaged in some transtimeline BS involving some plot hole, and now reality is getting eaten.

NATE: Understandably, we got a bit curious about that.

NATE: Wait, where the fuck did my manners go? Name's Nate Richard, Seer of Void, observer of insane shenanigans and semiprofessional meddler. Those lady robots are AuthorBot and AuthorBot Junior, designed to search through weird sessions while my friends and I try to debug them. Coding and stuff.

NATE: How have you been?
BIO: After hearing Roxy, Bio proceeds to "Represent" void players, by showing off*
HAL: Yo dawg, Dirkilous maximus, we gotta get goin, there's ships coming this way and they don't look friendly.
MALIS: Hi i'm also here, sup Rox.
CYRIS: (why is every one of my ocs in the dream bubble) He's not kidding, there's ships. Big, red, scary ships. I might be able to hold them off but... I'm not so sure.
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