Full Version: Dirk's null session support group
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UT: So what you're saying is that our sessions happened because of yours being the proprietors.
UT: I do like that you mentioned the no cloning theory as it did helped clearing up most of the confusion regarding our causal Mobius reality fuck around.
TT: I am still holding on to my cherub theory though.
TT: Mostly since I believe that we and the others had been screwed all cause of the influence of an alien species that ain't even supposed to grab a hold of this game's copy, which in turn caused some sort of self fulfilling prophecy among all other branches.
CS: If youu couldd lett me addd somet=ingg regarding w=at you said @TT, my sessionn =ass been greatlyy influenced by t=ee twoo c=erubss t=at we gott contactt from....
CS: Bot= aree Master Classedd Playerss, andd t=ey've bot= trickedd us into acceptingg t=eirr assistance forr escaping t=ee formerly void original sessionn we =add....
CS: Needless to sayy, tearingg t=roug== paradoxx spacee, interferinggg wit= failed sessions didn't ends well forr us....
UT: We appreciate your input @CS, I guess that sort of helped with your ideas @TT.

Meanwhile, Cali has been helping set up camp with Dirk, Jake and Jane.

AB: It seems I am being ignored. I will repeat for the fleshy meatbags: The sessions in this local cluster are not a loop, but a spirograph of incestuous fuckery. Look at the logs, @RS, and even your human-brain will be able to see a pattern. Yes, there is no traditional "loop". Session Z is not leading to Session A, but to Session A1, which leads to Z1, which leads to A2, but eventually, at the very end of it all, SessionA413 is leading straight into the original Session Z.

JR: AB, cool your jets, yo. RS says RIGHT THERE that he missed your diatribe.

JR: But yeah, just because we know the probable source of your remixed sessions doesn't mean we can rule out the CAUSE of it. Incest is pretty fucking rare in Paradox space, and incest to this magnitude is basically unheard of. Either your frogs are particularly fond of banjo music and shotguns, or something modified your sessions to up the incest rate. And I'm definitely seeing non-standard code in the reproductive engine. :\ Not that it makes any fucking sense. My specialty is fucking with the AI/Decision Trees of SBURB, not the frogs. You'd need like, a Waste of Space or something to make sense of this shit. Or maybe Time, because of all the loops.

JR: And honestly, I'm revising my theory that there's a small chance a Seer or Mage could have been fucking around in your session. Whoever got into your session knows what they are doing, which means they have Game powers explicitly helping them, instead of getting a Seer/Mage passive boost to knowledge gathering. Either they are a game construct themselves, or they are one of the weird classes. I'm pretty sure a Lord or another Waste could do this. Maybe a Muse or Grace if they have help.

JR: And I hope I don't need to remind everybody that there IS in fact a Lord (English) fucking around with your sessions, and I'm pretty sure at least one of these sessions has a rampaging Muse as well. Gonna rule out Wastes/Graces until I find evidence that someone ELSE is using a backwards compatibility patch, though.

AB: Before this discussion gets further derailed, I would like to point out that sessions further away from the theoretical "Source" seem to be MORE fucked up, not less, @GG. I would not conclude that this is how SBURB is supposed to be working. Or how it's "upgrade" process is supposed to work.

AB: To address JRs baseless speculation, yes, it seems that Lord English appears pretty deep into the spirograph. There is a 95.08781775524989% chance that IF this spirograph of bullshit has a point, it's point is to summon Lord English.

AB: I would like to take this time to point out that Gates within SBURB/SGRUB are shaped like Spirographs.

AB: Let's all take a moment to appreciate this fact. Let it really sink into the fleshy folds of your inferior brains.

(@RS, well, I mean, incestuous mobius multisession reach arounds DO seem an opportune construct to invoke here :) :) :). Weirdest thing my simulator has ever produced, theoretical or otherwise. But yes, great Minds do think alike, etc. etc.)
When suddenly, Bio and Hal!
They appear through a portal punching the shit out of each other. It would explain why Hal hasn't responded. Then glitchy Vic arrives and shit hits the fan folks.
VIC: Well it's good to know future me isn't getting beaten to death...
BIO: VI€ HOL¥ FU€K!- *suddenly punched off by Hal*
HAL: And that is for ruining the social gathering Bio!
Folks, prepare your minds, because you're in for something.

JR: That ASSHOLE!!! @RS, That ASSHOLE is in my fucking code! Er. In SBURB's code. Fuck.

JR: That Waste of FUCKING Space is the one who made that stupid fucking spirograph!

JR: as;lkfjasdfjlk

JR: There is his STUPID fucking little fourth wall ASCII art (that he fucking STOLE FROM ME), laughing at me and drawing pictures of horses.

JR: Fuck. I should have listened to you, @RS, when you said that this cluster of Universes had been YellowYarded.

AB: It seems that you need to take a chill pill, oh mighty creator.

AB: There is a 98.39973906933156% that the other Waste doesn't even know you exist, much less exist to torment you, personally.

JR: ARGGG. That makes it WORSE.

JR: But fine. I am calm. You're right AB, you're the best <>.

JR: *deep breath*. My POINT is, I found out the source of your incestuous sessions. Another Waste, a Waste of Space, got into your code. He modified the odds of sessions invading each other using a YellowYard function. He could do this because it's just Frog code, which is basically all a Waste of Space is even fucking good for.

JR: One of the reasons that incest loops are so rare in SBURB is that sessions INVADING each other is so rare. But every session in your chain in some way is interacting with the next session, even across Scratches, which is just such flagrant bullshit.

JR: As much as I want to accuse the guy of malicious intent, I don't THINK he would be trying to summon Lord English. So maybe his intent was this meet up? It's WAY easier for a Waste to modify SBURB code if the result is narratively satisfying. SBURB has some weird compilation rules.

JR: and I can now confidently claim that there is more than one hacker in your sessions. Now that I know what I'm looking at, the other Wastes code is pretty obvious, but there's still nonstandard bullshit scattered around. Like all that First Guardian and Cherub bullshit.
TT: Well shit, it looks like we have someone messing around in our code after all.
TT: I've never actually heard of the Waste class, would you mind clarifying exactly what the fuck that is, JR?
TT: And if this Waste of Space really set all this up, what would be his goal?
TT: You said that it probably wasn't his intention to summon Lord English, but it might be this meet up.
TT: What would be the point of that though?
TT: What could he possibly stand to gain from a bunch of null session players sitting in a burning field?

Meanwhile, in said burning field, Jake jumps out of the way as Vic, Bio, and Hal stumble into the meet up campsite.

JAKE ENGLISH: Hey, watch it! We just finished setting up here! If you knock anything over you'll be putting it back up yourself.
JANE CROCKER: Hello, you all must be here for the meet up!

DIRK STRIDER: Oh, this is Vic, Bio, and Hal.
DIRK STRIDER: They're from the memo, but I'm betting you already guessed that.

JANE CROCKER: Welcome! You can go ahead and find yourself a seat somewhere and introduce yourselves to the others!
JANE CROCKER: If you're hungry, diner will be served as soon as the canned beans are done cooking.
NATE: Welcome to the Null Session Support Group, where the Ultimate Reward isn't real and incest doesn't matter.

Nate meanwhile turns to the memo again.

RS: Well he did a shitty job of creating a spirograph because it ends.

RS: Look, right there, it's a fucking terminus. Dead sessions just collapse. That's where English comes from, and it's where the spirograph finally collapses.

RS: AND while I watch, code is being eroded away as if reality itself is falling apart. Time is getting shorter. False vacuum decay.

RS: For those of you NOT familiar with it, it's when reality decays from a quasistable higher energy level to a lower one in one area, and it releases a ton of energy and kicks off the rest of the area around it to decay too.

RS: It just spreads like a virus until it consumes reality, like nanobot grey goo or fidget spinners.

RS: But yeah, no new universe is created in any version of English's session. Just death and destruction.

RS: But other than that, yeah, there's a spiral of increasingly fucked up universes that ends in the "Main" troll, human, and cherub sessions, the cherub sessions being unique to the final end, since cherubs can never create a universe in this game.

RS: The other Waste was destined to create the defective spirograph because if it was perfect, LE could have never shown up, but according to the world tree, he was always instantiated in reality in some form.

RS: "Already here", as it were.

RS: One sec gotta deal with dead guy fight club. Bluh.

Nate hurls a ball of Void energy at the feet of the quarreling trio, because he has no time for any of your bullshit.

NATE: Cut it the fuck out, the adults are talking.

Nate looks at them for a moment to make sure they get the fucking message, then back to the memo.

RS: Okay, I'm back.

RS: Isn't it clear? The Waste of Space is just looking for an infinite source of stories to tell, a crazy session generator he can write about to his heart's content. He doesn't settle for simulated stuff like a reasonable person. He wants to actually make the things and then write about them. I mean, Wastes are really creative and gifted people, so they often create outlets for this creativity in the form of their aspect. Like JR! But like all Wastes they are at risk of going too far and causing violent change through meddling and self-inserts, always by mistake, and always to their own detriment as well.


RS: JR. Did you have anything to do with how our session turned out?

AB: "Creative". Well. That's one way of putting it.

JR: :\ What AB means is that Wastes...fuck shit up? "Lay waste to", would be one description. We're the class that is explicitly about fucking with SBURB's code and meta bullshit like that. Which is pretty much never a good idea. We don't "create" goddamned anything, instead we're always bugging and fussing and meddling with things that probably would be better off left alone. There's a fucking REASON newer/older versions of SBURB don't include us. A lot of the other prototype classes got left out 'cause of redundancy. A "Scribe" is kinda similar to a "Seer", you know? But Wastes were always the problem class. My version of SBURB locks out Wastes of Space and Time entirely because they crashed sessions so frequently.

JR: I had a bunch of quests all trying to teach me restraint. A good rule of thumb is the YellowYard shit, keeping our interference within the distance light can travel in a bullshit amount of seconds. Keeping it a small and stable amount makes it way easier to control.

JR: @RS, I may hate the guy, but I'm not sure he would go to all this fucking trouble just to entertain himself??? It had to be a better option than whatever the fuck else was happening before, somehow. Even if the metric he's using isn't one we'd agree with.

JR: When I fuck with sessions, the players inside might not be able to see how it was SUPPOSED to go, so things look like random bullshit to them. But I can see that I'm preventing a crash, or a total party wipe with no afterlife or some shit. And it's Butterfly effect bullshit the whole way. Sometimes all it takes is slowing one player down by five minutes and the decisions pile up until victory is a real thing.

JR: And as far as me screwing over me and RS's sessions, well...who fucking even knows at this point. I definitely shouldn't have been fucking around with SBURB's code before I was even in it. But like you said earlier about that Troll Session hacker, players do it all the time without flagrant bullshit happening. But again: Waste.
Vic returned to the memo.
TC: The coding has been fucked with many times, too many times in fact.
TC: I had a friend, Cyris, who was living Sburb coding.
TC: When someone fucks with the coding, Cyris does this glitchy thing and does something to the game to fix it. Usually it's either more horrorterrors or something along the lines of "It will fuck you up".
GH: I could probably get Cyris here, should I?

BIO: Wha+ +h£ fu€k i$ going on h£r£?
RS: ....

RS: ....

RS: Huh.

RS: You were the one that emailed me the game to play. And I emailed it to MY friends, and my friends and I entered the medium together.

RS: I didn't think much of it at the time but... my group didn't get the disk. We weren't supposed to play. But your decision changed fate. You somehow broke the copy protection and gave us our own game to play.

RS: I knew you were the one to email it to me, cause obviously it had your name on it and everything, but did the significance of the way I got the game REALLY escape me until now?


RS: But you realized the meteors were gonna kill your random internet friend, and you spent that time cracking the game and emailing the copy to me so that someone else would survive. You had no way of knowing you were going against fate.

RS: You didn't give my group a unique Medium ID to go with the Incipisphere ID in your haste. We entered the same medium you eventually did. Dual sessions aren't supposed to work the way ours did. Two Mediums from one homeworld, not two sessions in one medium.

RS: So when the intended players (You and your crew) entered, they found the session very much occupado.

RS: You accidentally fucked us all over trying to save me and my friends from the pregame apocalypse.

RS: That's the only possible explanation that takes into account the way I got the game, the orbital decay Skaian destruction, the separate chains of entry...

RS: That IS what you did, right? Or was that just a load of bullshit hypotheses I spewed that was more off the wall and insane than anything MatPat could cook up?

RS: Well, I'm surprisingly??? Not mad??? That was actually really cool imo. Sure it fucked over the universe but I'm alive, so, win???
DIRK STRIDER: What the fuck is going on Bio, is that we're all fucked.
DIRK STRIDER: Everyone you see here? All of them, fucked.
DIRK STRIDER: With the sheer amount of fucked contained in this one location we are competing for the world record of biggest orgy.

Ignoring Dirk with every ounce of fiber in her being, Jane turns to the meet ups new arrivals.

JANE CROCKER: Everyone's welcome, so of course Cyris can come.
JAKE ENGLISH: It sounds like your friend would be really helpful too!
DIRK STRIDER: Alright, so for anyone not paying attention to the memo, here's the short version.
DIRK STRIDER: Somewhere in our session there is a Waste of Space, and they've been messig around in the code with unknown intentions.
DIRK STRIDER: If you have any questions, then just read the fucking memo.
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