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TT: John? That doesn't make any sense.
TT: He wasn't a Lord or Bard or any other kind of overpowered class.
TT: I only really met the guy once. He showed up out of the blue right after the big fight that took our my session.
TT: We didn't talk much. I was in a bad place.
TT: From what I've heard, there wasn't anything in particular about him worth mentioning.
TT: The guy seems like pretty standard SBURB fodder.
TT: Either this was a different John entirely, or something happened either to him or because of him.
TT: Something pretty drastic by the sounds of it.
RS: I mean, clearly I'm talking about the John that disappearified an entire planet.

RS: I mean, there's zero chance it isn't him that's doing stuff to the timeline. Too much weird shit going on for it not to be. I've found that crazy bullshit congregates in clumps.

RS: Oh. Wow. Shit, Harley, didn't Smokey the Bear tell you not to start fires and shit?

RS: Anyways, I think I see some of you. Who's there?


In the distance, a hooded figure floating amidst the void. What is his name?

> Smarmy Fuckwit

No, fuck you! :D

His name is NATE RICHARDS. It has been years since his failed session began, and he has been entertaining himself by conversing with VARIOUS AUTOMATONS and CODING SHITTILY. His many interests include VIDEO GAMES, PHYSICS, FINDING EXPLOITS IN GAMES (Through trial and error or accident, which he passes off as intentional), and ANIMALS, though he hasn't brought that up much lately. He also has a penchant for WEAVING INSANE THEORIES and speaking of them AS IF THEY WERE TRUE. He is rather thin and pale, but no, he is not a stereotypical fucking nerd. I promise.
((Holy crap I just woke up and this memo progressed a lot! OoO

Alex looked at the others still reading the memo, she huffed.

ALEX: You know what? Screw this, we need to help the others get to here before this meeting could even start.
ALEX: I better get on with the conversation, just let me skim through it first.

As for the memo.

TG: hey dirk, imma be responding now, is that ok?
UT: It's fine, they seem to have gotten most of their stuff organized and well, we got enough info to respond now Cali.
UT: By the way, @CS sorry for sounding like an asshole, I just wanted this memo to progress smoothly that's all.
CS: No.... It is fine....
CS: T=esee people aree workingg =ard to make somet=ingg outt of t=eirr predicaments.... Remindss me aa lott of myself five yearss agoo....
CS: Ii really s=ouldn't be moping around =ere, t=at'ss unc=aracteristically rude of me....
TG: so u ready to be helped by us? OuO
CS: Ii guesss...? =all andd Vicc =ass offeredd t=eirr supportt, so.... Ii guesss Ii really s=ould....
CS: Name'ss Cernun Raapen, aa Seer of Spacee, does t=at =elp...?
UT: Very much, again, welcome to this ragtag group of fuckups, at your service.
TG: i'm cali strider and he's dirk egbert btw >uO
TG: about hacking tho
TG: most hackers are very bad people, so i doubt they're trying to help
TG: @rs are u a modder by any chance? if so good for u! i had a bit of experiences with the modding community, but I'm not that great... u guys however managed to get into the codes of a reality warping universe making game!
TG: i'm impressed! :U
UT: @RS my expertise is in robotics so I don't believe I have much help in coding stuff.
UT: I do think that Alex @TT has some knowledge on that.
TT: Not exactly.
UT: Oh hey, never thought you'd actually reply Alex.
TG: hi sis! >UO
TT: Hello Cali, and I'd be brief here since I'd love to skip all of the bullshit, so here I am answering a few of your current questions, please pay much attention.
TT: Our Jack is a Harley, you all got that right. His first guardian was a tiger like thing and it basically merged with him through dreamself shenanigans.
TT: I'm theorizing that the hacker is in fact those damned cherubs that had been terrorizing all of us, no wonder they weren't meant to play SBURB, jesus.
TT: They may or may not be connected with all these Englishes running around ruining everyone's day in paradox space, I'm not sure.

CS: We didd =add troublee wit= c=erubss so....
TT: And that confirms it!
TT: Finally, I have a few ideas on how exploiting the game could work, but like Dirk said, I just prefer not to unless our session is voided.
TT: Plus I don't think my knowledge of HTML would be of help on whatever you're doing.
TG: wait, did u mentioned john? :U
TG: my jerky bru is named john! is he who ur talking about??
TT: I doubt that Cali, we're alternate universes remember?
DIRK STRIDER: Oh shit, look who finally showed up.
DIRK STRIDER: Well, this is Jane Crocker, Jake English, Roxy Harley, Dirk Lalonde, Jane Strider, Dirk Egbert, Alex Lalonde, and Cali Strider.
DIRK STRIDER: I would get you up to date on the situation, but nothing much has happened beyond all of us responding to the memo while in the same room.
DIRK STRIDER: Welcome to the first annual meeting of the social awkward teenagers convention, phones are provided so you don't have to make eye contact.
DIRK STRIDER: We are a young organisation, but our investors have high hopes for the future.
DIRK STRIDER: Continuing our previous conversation, if what you're saying is right, then it could be the piece I've been missing in what the fuck happens to my session after the game over.
DIRK STRIDER: More importantly, if we can figure out what exactly the fuck happened to our John and Roxy, then we can find the root of all this temporal fuckery.
DIRK STRIDER: And Alex, I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss possible connections between "my John" or "your John" or any variation of him across the A cluster.
DIRK STRIDER: From what we've gathered, names clearly carry a lot of weight.
DIRK STRIDER: It follows that whatever happens or has happened with a person in one session is likely to reflect back on the player in your session with similar namesake.
DIRK STRIDER: I'd say pay close attention to what happens in the other sessions within your cluster, because they can act as an outline for future event in your own session.
RS: No, no, there is no reason that Sburb needs to be hacked to be a shitty, shitty piece of shit, code-wise.

RS: The game does that all on its own. I'm convinced that this timeline editing thing that's happening is from within the game itself. Something is fishy.

RS: And, again, I suck at modding, I can only really LOOK at code and sound really smart after JR explains it to me. Okay that's an exaggeration, but JR is the more skilled one here, and that's really all there is to say on the matter.

RS: I mean, she made a fucking robot.

RS: And even SHE won't let me mess with sessions, except the ones where everyone has already died. And she still watches me closely.

RS: Unflinchingly.

RS: I did manage to fix a session once. JR walked me through it and everything. One moment they were all dead, the next it had retroactively repaired itself and badabing badaboom, frog. It had something to do with the Red Miles being permanently on in that session. It was hilarious but JR had me fix it. It was a simple patch, so no real danger, but it was so satisfying.

RS: And a bit sad. Our session couldn't be fixed so easily. I mean, double session and all. And JR and I would have never met if I prevented it anyways.

RS: At least it wasn't as bad as the Incestuous Frog Double Möbius Reacharound session. Remember that one? The set of universes that was basically one big juju, creating a universe that created a universe that created the first universe in the loop, over and over again? Sicknasty frog inbreeding. Gave Game of Thrones a run for its money with that much incest.


Nate shuffles into the room and attempts to sit on a chair. Now, you may expect comical failure at such a simple task, but he in fact sits very successfully. He is the champion at sitting, it is him.

Oh no. PEOPLE. Ugh. They seem nice enough, though.

NATE: Yep. Finally here. I'm just hoping more people show up. Main universe Jade, Harley Edition, as a First Guardian Space player, would be a good candidate for showing the fuck up around now to help with the firepower aspect.

NATE: Plus, have you SEEN a Space/Void Fraymotif? It's fucking awesome looking.
Alex actually briefly looked at Nate before waving her hand briefly as a hello, she promptly returned to the memo. Cali however is the one that actually greeted him.

CALI: hi! sorry for not noticing u, thought ur still off, thanks for introducing us btw strider dirk! makes stuff easier OuO

Back at Pesterchum.

TT: Yes but even the namesake thing is pretty inconsistent.
TT: Remember, none of your Dirks nor Egberts went grimdark, yet here we had ours do so.
UT: I can see her point.
UT: But I agree with Strider me, we can't completely rule out what our John could do.
TT: John Strider you mean?
CS: By t=ee wayy, is it best if Ii attemptt to get to your meetingg placee...?
CS: T=oug= Ii don't know =oww muc= =elp Ii couldd give....
Dirk, Jane, and Jake are beginning to set up a camp. They seem unbothered by the raging bonfire, and are more focused on the newcomers and setting up a temporary campsite.

DIRK STRIDER: Jade Harley version U1A happens to be dead at the moment, so it's entirely possible she could show up to help.
JANE CROCKER: Hello!
JANE CROCKER: Who might you be?

DIRK STRIDER: Right, you haven't been reading the memo.
DIRK STRIDER: This is RS, or Nate. He's from yet another null session, and is here to help out.

JAKE ENGLISH: Nice to meet you then, Nate!
JAKE ENGLISH: Mind giving me a hand with this canned food nonsense? I can never get the damned things open.


Dirk meanwhile responds to the memo.

TT: JR and AB, can you specify what exactly might be the consequences of an "Incestuous Mobius Multi-Session Reach Around" session, as you put it?
TT: I can personally confirm that in our universe there was a game of trolls who scratched to create a second troll session, which then created the human session which in turn scratched to create us.
TT: Going by your logic, that would mean the results of my session in the alpha timeline would eventually lead the way for the first troll session to be created.
TT: That would make sense. It would explain the existence of the correlation within the A cluster.
TT: Each universe would be the next link in the chain of slightly more fucked up sessions, spiraling ever downwards into more and more convoluted mutations until the resulting session becomes an unrecognisable mess as the no-cloning theorem shits itself inside out.
TT: So if your idea about "incestuous sessions" is correct, which is looking to be true, then what does that mean for us?
RS: Nonononono, I'm saying those sessions EXIST. They're disconnected from the main world tree, though, since they're loops. Your session... it's not a loop like that, although it has its share of jujus and time demons.

RS: Although incestuous sessions, if they keep entering the universes they created as a group, just accrue players each loop unless a scratch occurs along the line somewhere, essentially wiping out each generation.

RS: Your session isn't that. It's weird but not in THAT way, you know?

RS: In fact, if it WAS a loop then the Demon At The End of Time would never have spawned, since he came from a Dead Session. Which... he somehow WON?

RS: I always thought a Time player could save-scum to win it, but only theoretically. I didn't think anyone could DO it. It's an unwinnable joke level with an OP reward and honestly it was a bad idea to even let those sessions happen.

RS: Honestly it would be better if sessions crashed immediately if only one player was in the game.


Nate meanwhile responds in reality.

NATE: Pleased to meet you, Jane.

NATE: Jake, you could literally do one of two things. Dream up an opened can, or hope the can opens until it does. This is the laziest way and the right way by extension. And I'm glad I get to see you here, man! You seem like a great bunch.



RS: Wait. Shit. I literally JUST NOW saw the comment from AB. Bluh. Memos are weird.

RS: Alpha is okayish. Incest frog tho.

RS: Gotta fix that. I didn't notice the loops because the fucking color scheme of the GUI.

RS: Apparently JR had the same idea about the incest session and I didn't see it. I guess we think alike. Makes sense though, we're around each other a ton, so our thoughts kinda sync up.


((Seriously I didn't see any of the AB log because of end-of-page simultaneous posting or something and we thought of those sessions independently??? Motherfucking miracles. We must operate on the same wavelength.))
JAKE ENGLISH: Well it doesn't hurt to do it the old fashioned way.
DIRK STRIDER: Just use your strife specibus, Jake.
DIRK STRIDER: No wait, you've got pistolkind.
DIRK STRIDER: Just use my katana, please don't try to shoot the cans open.

JANE CROCKER: Ignore them, you seem pretty great yourself!
JANE CROCKER: It's always good to have more people willing to help each other out.


Dirk hands Jake his UNBREAKABLE PIECE OF SHIT KATANA while he responds to the memo on his shades. Truly he is the master of multitasking.

TT: You have a point, however I think there's some merit in the incestuous sessions theory.
TT: Let's assume that the alpha timeline of my session produces a new universe, then that leads to the next session, which leads to the next, which leads to the next.
TT: In the event that this eventually comes back around to form a chain so that the troll session before mine is a result of a session created by one of the sessions following mine, then we would have a reasonable explanation for all these different yet similar universes.
TT: The reason that the second iteration of my session or any version of it after that isn't exactly the same as the first one is because of the no-cloning theorem.
TT: It basically states that no two versions of something can be exactly the same.
TT: So each time the "chain" of sessions goes around, something would change in order to avoid creating a clone of the session before it.
TT: Something like the names of the players, or their blood color.
TT: Each time the session changes a little bit more, which would be how we get such huge variations in game events and players.
TT: So, it stands to reason that our sessions are either the result of a chain of incestuous sessions or simply the game's attempt at accounting for all variables from the start in hopes that one of them will achieve success.
TT: Either way, it looks like the game's own buggy coding is the source of our misfortunes rather than a malicious hacker.
?GG: hm
?GG: those variations end up having the same circumstances
?GG: like idk if u think abt it what happens is strikingly similar
?GG: there are malicious things that always try to creep into the session
?GG: some succeed and fuck up things
?GG: some dont and yet still influence the session
?GG: something happens and sburb fucks us up sideways
?GG: and its weird because even tho we hoes we didnt ask for THIS one
?GG: anw after all what we played are likely the beta or alpha versions of the game
?GG: it isnt complete and is unfinished
?GG: so maybe the next release in whatever goddamn universe we create
?GG: would be one with a more complete iteration & less bugginess???
?GG: at least thats what ive caught so far o
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